Jesus H. Christ. I mean, fucking shit. What the fuck is this fucking world coming to? Fucking god damn it. People swearing at motherfucking work and in public places.
I know, I know. Juvenile. If you heard someone say that at work, you’d be rightfully flummoxed. Or flabbergasted. Or fucked up. If you heard it in public, you may think you’re in a park in New York City. According to this story in the Chicago Tribune (dateline Kansas City, Mo., which explains why the reporter uses the word “cussing” in the lede), swearing in high pressure jobs may be a good source of tension release.
Hear that, you motherfucking screwheads?
We know what you’re thinking. “Dave, you don’t get paid for somecountryforoldmen.com. How can it possibly be stressful?”
It isn’t stressful. I just like cussin’.
Anyway, in a rather mundane office space (like, say, mine), swearing a bunch could be…awkward. Much like how one feels when that fat fuck Rush Limbaugh walks around with a couple buttons undone on his shirt or when one of my colleagues (air quotes) talks about bailing her husband out of jail on the weekend. Again.
Luckily there’s Cuss Control: The Complete Book on How to Curb Your Cursing. Honestly, do we really need a fucking book with suggestions about how to curb the goddamn shit-talk? If one replaces “motherfucker” with “brother trucker,” who the fuck are we fooling? As George Carlin said, shoot is just shit with two Os.
The Tribune article does reference the possibility for potential backfire when fighting fucking potty mouths:
We suggest that if you don’t want to put money in a jar for a case of Bud Light, instead kick the guys in their fucking cocks, or knock a girl in the tits.
Fuck.
Get a f*ckin’ grip.
Fucking shit, Dave. Way to bring back the swear jar commercial!