Here we go again, everyone. It’s not news; it’s the LA Times. Maybe you thought they were done. Perhaps you thought there’s no way they could come up with another scoop as great as: Man who stored his own urine in jars at home was pretty normal guy. Well you were wrong. Sadly, you were so, so wrong.
The Times’ latest discovery: Even in a recession, people still freakin’ like cupcakes. Here we go.
Like a Hollywood ingenue, cupcakes have been exposed every which way — high-end and low, fancy and down-home. But unlike those pretty young things, the cupcake’s time in the sun goes on and on.
Cupcakes may seem so 2004, but these little paper-clad stars just keep soaking in the love.
Yeah, because no one had had a damn cupcake before 2004. Lede FAIL.
“They’re even more popular. I think it’s just going to continue,” says Nichelle Stephens, who with two friends runs a blog called Cupcakes Take the Cake.
In fact, their popularity may even outlast the star who helped set off this craze: Sarah Jessica Parker, whose “Sex and the City” character — Carrie Bradshaw — is seen wearing knee socks and devouring a pink-frosted cupcake outside Manhattan’s Magnolia Bakery.
First of all, that’s a lie. Sarah Jessica Parker (aka Matthew Broderick’s wife) didn’t start the craze. People already liked cupcakes! They’re tiny cakes with frosting on them! When exactly did people not like that? Answer: never; people always liked cupcakes.
Time for a hard-hitting quote.
“I don’t think you can be angry eating a cupcake,” says Tara Settembre, who once lived near the Magnolia Bakery.
See what they did there? First, they blew your fucking mind with that quote, because I’ll bet you that’s not even something you considered, right? I mean, imagine seeing this line in a book: “Steve ate his cupcake contemptuously.”
Great line, right? Except, guess what. That’s your first clue that that book belongs in the fiction section.
Next, what the hell, LA Times, you’re quoting that lady because she “once lived near the Magnolia Bakery”? What the hell kind of credential is that? So she used to live really close to a place that sells shitty overpriced cupcakes. Great.
So if you’re reading at home, you could probably stop this story by now, eh? You get it; cupcakes have weathered the storm. But see, if you’d stopped reading, you’d have missed the most important part of the story: the delicious frosting-covered cupcake top, if you will.
Um, what is a cupcake?
There are obvious reasons for why people love cupcakes. There’s sugar and butter. They remind people of childhood bake sales and birthday parties. And, as my own little cupcake told me, with his teenager’s knowing tone: “Mom, they have a perfect cake-to-frosting ratio. And you can hold them.”
No forks, no plates, maybe just a napkin. You don’t have to share. No leftovers. At a bakery, everyone can pick their own flavor. Cupcakes are easy to make and can be decorated for any occasion you care to consider.
How the hell do lines like that even make it into a newspaper? Did the editor read the rest of the copy, look up from his desk, and ask, “Now, why don’t you explain this to me like I’m five?“
Seriously, does anyone out there have a problem with us just closing the LA Times now? What the hell is going on out there?
sounds like you could use a cupcake.
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