It’s Friday and that means it’s time to wrap up the week at SCFOM. We have three irrational fears that we hope tickle your fancy. Or tickle something.
Depending on your point of view, Sarah Palin is the gift or the curse that keeps on giving. The argument for “gift”: She says some of the dumbest fucking things that any politician on a national level has ever said, ever, which makes her a comedic goldmine. The argument for “curse”: Many Americans think she’s speaking for them, which means we have a lot dum-dums out there.
Anyway,here’s something we found on CNN.com. Pulling a trick from our Fox News hat: We report, you decide (though this may be the greatest paragraph ever in a political speech).
We need to be aware of the creation of a fearful population, and fearful lawmakers, being led to believe that big government is the answer, to bail out the private sector, because then government gets to get in there and control it,” she said. “And mark my words, this is going to be next, I fear, bail out next debt-ridden states. Then government gets to get in there and control the people.”
Translation: We need to avoid fear. Now watch me try to scare the shit out of you.
Moving on: It’s summer, and make sure you cover your children with plenty of sunblock or they’re guaranteed death. Seriously.
OK, not really. Just read this headline, which we swear is from the New York Times: “Sunburned as Children; Doomed as Adults.”
Yes. People think that because they got two sunburns at age 8 they’ll die of carcinoma as a result. So many people, in fact, that the Times wrote a WHOLE PIECE ABOUT SUNBURN QUESTIONS — because the red meat, hookers and blow in the intervening years meant nothing, y’know? Here’s a real question from that story:
I am white, 60 years old, and as a child had two or three sunburns which caused my skin to peel. My father had a melanoma at 70 (upper back, was never in the sun). At 50, I had a basal cell carcinoma removed from my upper back. At 60, I had a 3 millimeter melanoma-in-situ removed from my upper back. I have also had several actinic keratoses removed (face, upper back).
How much of this can be attributed to genetics? What can I expect as to future problems? What can I do to reduce future occurrences (I wear a hat, long sleeved shirts, and use 45 SPF every day)? And at what interval do you recommend a visit to my dermatologist (currently every 3 months). Thank you
Victor Parker
Next week’s headline: Victor Parker, 60, retarded, dies in tragic walking/gum-chewing accident.
And finally, let’s not forget the fear of dying in the course of auto-erotic asphyxiation. Just ask David Carradine. Or Michael Hutchence. Or your mom.
Yeah, maybe that last one is rational. Our bad.
I stumbled on this site and I will not be back. This is the most stupid waste of space. Not a speck of intelligence in this bone-headed comment on Palin. This week in irrational fear? That award goes to Al Gore and Congress for buying that fearmongering crap. Dave, you are a boob.
So I guess I don’t have to worry about you seeing that I’ve called you a cunt. Whew!
Eh, you’re both probably right.