There’s a problem with news headlines these days. You know what I mean, so let’s cut to the chase (cliché): They suck. They read like ad copy. They look like a marketer’s wet dream. Main offender: the overuse of the motherfucking word “slams” in every story written in the past 12 months (hyperbole).
Just look at these headlines:
“‘#CNNFail’: Twitterverse slams network’s Iran absence” from CNET news!
Newsweek slams Oprah from the mildly reputable Discover!
Texas slams federal efforts to fight global warming from the reputable-if-you’re-a-lib Huffington Post!
Even the g.d. New York Times, the gray lady, the PAPER OF RECORD, is getting in on the action:
We grant you that the Times examples are from the blogs, and “Obama slams McCain’s energy plan” is catchier than “Obama finds fault with McCain’s energy plan,” but still — The New York Times is supposed to be above that cookie-cutter nonsense. Think we’re kidding? I mean, first you’re talking poetry slams. Then you’re having Bloomberg slam Paterson. And then you’re sitting up late one night, slamming coffee (get it?) and writing “Octo-Mom slams Kate Gosselin.” That’s right! Just like fucking Us Magazine!
We can see the headline now: “The New York Times leads with Octo-slam.”