Los Angeles. The city of angels. What a great place. Swimming pools. Movie stars (or maybe that’s Beverly Hills). A town full of news: The cops are corrupt but there are sweeping reforms a-comin‘; mayoral candidate William Thompson loves “Star Trek”; people start wildfires by doing the right thing the wrong way; a story about a kitten rescued from a storm drain lands on the “most interesting” section of ktla.com.
Wait…what? A story about a kitten is one of the “most interesting”? Let’s just take a look then!
Someone hearing the sounds of a crying kitten coming from a storm drain shortly before noon. Riverside County Animal Control Officer Kristina Hillegaart was called to the scene to investigate.
Um, that first sentence isn’t a sentence. It may not be English. And the second sentence isn’t much of a sentence, either, though Hillegaart is a great name.
Officer Hillegaart used a ladder to climb down the storm drain to find out what was making the noise. The closer she got, she heard the distressed “mews” of a kitten, but couldn’t see where the feline was hiding.
Hmm…since we already know that a KITTEN was crying in the storm drain, do we need to know that Hillegaart had to investigate the noise? What are the chances an animal control officer doesn’t know what a scared kitten sounds like?
Officer Hillegart shined her flashlight down a smaller drain pipe and discovered the tiny 9 week old black and white kitten, wet and all alone.
She scooped him up, climbed the ladder, and was hoisted out by firefighters, kitten in tow.
“We don’t know how he got where he did, but we presume he accidentally fell into the drain,” said John Welsh of Riverside County Department of Animal Services.
Kittens do the darndest things! And they’re not very smart! But it’s all in a day’s work, right?
Animal Services workers nicknamed the kitten “Stormy.”
Hey! I get it! Because he was found in a storm drain, right? Ho ho! So clever!
Wait a minute. No it’s not. It’s fucking stupid and predictable. Just like the story from start to finish! What did you think? That ktla.com was going to post a story about the kitten who died because Officer Hillegaart couldn’t reach him in time? No! They’re not going to do that! (And again, Hillegaart is a great name. “Stormy”? What’s with the quotes? Is that a fake name? How can he have a nickname if he doesn’t have a name? Moniker FAIL.)
Here’s everything else, just for shits and giggles:
Riverside Animal Shelter workers examined little “Stormy” and found that he wasn’t injured or sick, and didn’t have any identification or microchip device.
The shelter will hold onto “Stormy” for the next four days to give any possible owner time to retrieve him.
If no one claims him before that time, “Stormy” will be put up for adoption.
If you want any more information on “Stormy” or know who his owner might be, you can contact [blah blah who the fuck cares.]
News flash everyone! The shelter will do WHAT A SHELTER DOES EVERY TIME IT RECEIVES A STRAY ANIMAL.
Tomorrow on ktla.com: Traffic in Los Angeles still really shitty!
Someone reading the words of a blogger writing about a “cat” shortly before 1pm is very funny.