You heard it here, people. The United States is in imminent danger of being attacked by Kim Jong-il, his son, or whatever other Godless son of a bitch rules North Korea.
Except it’s not! And this proclamation that the U.S. is in danger is scurrilous, you say? But we read it here, so it must be true!
Yes, our good friends at CNN conducted a poll, and it turns out that:
Fifty-two percent say [North Korea] is a very serious threat, higher than the 43 percent who feel that way about Iran and much higher than the 20 percent who feel that way about China or the 11 percent who think Russia threatens the U.S,” says CNN Polling Director Keating Holland.
Kinda flies in the face of the headline “North Korea Shows No Sign of Imminent Missile Launch, U.S. Says.”
The U.S. doesn’t see any indication North Korea is poised to test-launch a long-range ballistic missile capable of landing near the Hawaiian Islands, according to four government officials.
We know. You can’t believe the government because all government people are lying cocksuckers. And four government people are four lying cocksuckers. But remember, North Korea is the country that can’t light itself. It’s the country that can barely mis-shoot a missile into the water. So who says we’re gonna get bombed?
In the survey 1,026 adult Americans were questioned by telephone.
Oh! How scientific! One thousand twenty-six random fucking yahoos! Like this guy. And this guy. Ugh.
Sadly, 1,026 people is statistically significant. But that just means that the majority of Americans are scared of the boogeyman! Ah, Americans. In the face of evidence that says there’s no imminent threat, we’re afraid.
A scary Kenyan negro is President!
Fox News is for retards! (That’s true.)
USA! USA! USA!
OK. Admittedly, there’s no link we know of between North Korea’s lack of electricity and its nuclear prowess. Just like there’s NO EVIDENCE NORTH KOREA CAN FIRE A LONG-RANGE MISSILE. Ack!
But just in case we’re wrong — it happens — we suggest North Korea attack the state with the most targets for terrorism.
LOL@WRK