Some Country for Old Men

All would probably agree that this economy is at best difficult. At worst, it’s for shit. As of June 2009, the national unemployment rate was 9.5%. Makes getting a job probably hard for everyone, right? Seasoned workers, blue collar and white collar alike are competing for gigs at a level not seen since, say, the Great Depression.

So what do you think the chances are that an entitled brat with an inflated sense of self worth and a degree from a marginal private college in the Bronx, N.Y., would find a job with relative ease? You know, in the worst economy we’ve seen in our lifetimes? Pretty slim chances, right?

Wrong! What the hell were you thinking? Didn’t you know that all college grads are entitled to gainful employment within four months of graduation, state of the economy be damned? Despite that fact that there have been more than THREE AND A HALF MILLION jobless claims since January 2009! Correct! All college grads deserve a job.

Oh, wait. That’s in Fantasyland where anyone can get a job (and marry a prince, too!). Someone needs to tell Trina Thompson, who graduated from Monroe College in April 2009 and is now suing Monroe for her tuition because she’s not yet employed in the worst economy she’s ever seen in her lifetime. (She filed the suit in late July.) We put that link in italics because we cannot fucking believe the audacity of Thompson, who, rumor has it, was voted “most likely to be an idiot” by her high school class.

We know, we know. The story is so absurd we must be making it up, right? Don’t take our word for it:

Trina Thompson gave it the old college try, but couldn’t find work. Now she thinks her sheepskin wasn’t worth her time, and is suing her alma mater for her money back.

The Monroe College grad wants the $70,000 she spent on tuition because she hasn’t found gainful employment since earning her bachelor’s degree in April, according to a suit filed in Bronx Supreme Court on July 24.

There it is in glorious black and white! Granted, our source is the NY Post, but even they know that court documents = good sourcing, so well done NY Post! You’ve given us concrete evidence that there’s someone out there dumber, lazier and assholier than this guy.

Just in case you’re as stunned as we were when we read this story the first time, here’s further evidence that Ms. Thompson is at least three steps out of touch with reality.

The 27-year-old alleges the business-oriented Bronx school hasn’t lived up to its end of the bargain, and has not done enough to find her a job.

The information-technology student blames Monroe’s Office of Career Advancement for not providing her with the leads and career advice it promised.

“They have not tried hard enough to help me,” the frustrated Bronx resident wrote about the school in her lawsuit.

Information technology! She’s in information technology and she can’t get a job? What’s her problem? It’s the one industry in which people are hiring! You know, because everything’s going to the internets! Doesn’t she know her HTML from her C++?

Oh, wait! We forgot. She’s an entitled asshole. Blame the college that trained you because you can’t find work. That’s rich! Maybe you should have gone to DeVry.

See, here’s the inside dope on human nature, Ms. Thompson: Most employers in a position to hire in this market can see right through the dickish, pouty facade of a nincompoop like yourself and hire the guy or girl who doesn’t have a dickish, pouty nincompoop’s facade. Sure, we haven’t seen a photo of Ms. Thompson and therefore don’t know if she appears to be any of the things we just accused her of being. We also haven’t read the complaint in its entirety (not near the court!). But we know that if you have a mother who says things like this on record to the NY Post:

“She’s angry,” said Thompson’s mother, Carol. “She’s very angry at her situation. She put all her faith in them, and so did I. They’re not making an effort.”

You’re fucked. Here’s a suggestion: Keep sending out resumes (chek fr splling!), buy decent interview duds and drop the lawsuit. Any employer who gets wind of this — and it’ll be difficult to keep your name out of the Google search of a paper read daily by an estimated two million people — will not hire you. And why should they? You’d probably sue them the moment they fired you because you refused to do work that was part of your job description.

Hint: You’re not entitled to a job, prick. You have to earn it. Especially now that we’re half a percentage point away from bread lines.