Some Country for Old Men

Former vice president and evil fuck Dick Cheney got a shot in the arm — which is different from a shot in the face — when his evil daughter Liz “The Pit Viper” Cheney announced the creation of Keep America Safe, or as we at SCFOM call it, Keep Dick Cheney Out of Prison for Crimes Against Humanity.

Before everyone goes and gets all up in arms about the Web site, which, again, is called Keep Fat America Safe, let’s see what their plan of attack is. Take it away, Political Ticker:

The new group, Keep America Safe, says its aim is to provide a cogent and organized rebuttal to a series of recent moves that expressly divert from the more muscular policies of the Bush administration. The group plans to tackle hot-button issues like the way forward in Iraq and Afghanistan, defense spending, CIA interrogation techniques and the planned closing of the Guantanamo Bay detention facility.

Ah, the more muscular policies of the Bush administration. Is Cheney referencing this more muscular policy? Or this one? These policies, perhaps? Anyway, here’s what the twit has to say about her new group.

“We have watched with concern and dismay as the Obama administration has cut defense spending, wavered on the war in Afghanistan, and launched investigations into Americans serving on the front lines of the war on terror, while at the same time expanding legal protections for the terrorists that plot to attack this country,” Cheney, along with the group’s two other founders, wrote on its Web site. “These policies, along with President Obama’s abandonment of America’s allies and attempts to appease our adversaries are weakening the nation.”

Sorry, Liz. Who exactly has President Obama abandoned, ally-wise? We’re all ears. Also: Waver on Afghanistan? I dunno. Seems Obama’s added more military support there while your dad diverted military to Iraq. Which means that in your dictionary, “waver” means “disagree”?

Sigh. Cheney’s thought process just gets better. The following statement, though attributed to all three of Keep America Safe’s founding members — Cheney, Weekly Standard Editor William Kristol and Debra Burlingame, the sister of the pilot of American Airlines Flight 77 — sounds distinctly Cheney-like.

“Too often, significant events and thoughtful analysis in the war on terror are glossed over or ignored on nightly national newscasts,” the group writes. “Keep America Safe will highlight this information on our website and encourage dialogue between American citizens and their elected representatives in order to produce the legislative and executive action that will keep this country safe and strong.”

One thing to note before we move on: Keep America Safe was co-founded by The Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol. And you should really go to The Weekly Standard for the truth. Here’s some information we’ll highlight for you, guys:

• In February 2009, the war in Iraq had already cost the United States $860 billion.

• The so-called war on terror — which Dick Cheney and company took to Iraq — was spearheaded by two draft dodgers. (Dick Cheney: “I had other priorities in the ’60s than military service.”

• Torture doesn’t work.

• The war on terror is based on lies. (Just one — one! — of the big ones: The Bush administration said there was a connection between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda.)

• Dick Cheney, the first guy to keep America safe (along with George W. Bush) let 9/11 happen on his watch. Kinda hard to say you kept America safe when 3,000 died in the biggest terrorist attack on American soil during your vice presidency. Unless Cheney thinks his vice presidency started on Sept. 12, 2001.

So let’s be clear about all this: Keep America Safe wants to keep spending money on tactics that don’t work, fighting wars that kill Americans without producing results, and they want to keep the Bush/Cheney lies going. Granted, that’s a supposition based on years of nonsense, bullshit and falsehoods, but that’s better than anything George Bush and Dick Cheney offered. Ah, Liz Cheney: keeping America stupid.