There’s an old axiom that goes, “You can never have too much of a bunch of white trash hillbillies calling each other names in public,” or something. With that in mind, we say bring on the latest round of Palin-Johnston nonsense that’s currently masquerading as news across the land. This stupid battle of retards (and we’re not even talking about Trig) is shaping up to be a contemporary Hatfield-McCoy scenario, the irony being that neither Levi Johnston nor Sarah Palin has probably heard of the Hatfields and McCoys.
So what happened Wednesday is that someone said, “Hey, yer family’s dumb cuz you don’t got as many teeth as me.” And someone else answered, “Duh, yer about as smart as a cat fart.”
That’s not really how it went. That’s just how we imagine it. Of course, the truth isn’t too far removed from what we wrote above. From CNN’s Political Ticker:
The national war of words between Sarah Palin and the man who was nearly her son-in-law flared up once again on Wednesday, as Levi Johnston accused Palin of frequently describing her son Trig, who has Down syndrome, as “retarded.”
Palin’s team shot back in an e-mail to reporters, calling the claim “inflammatory” and accusing CBS – the network that aired Johnston’s latest interview – of “continually providing a forum to propagate lies.”
Ack! Barf. We’ve been reduced to using many, many, many sound effects and demeaning phrases and hillbilly talkin’ when writing this piece. Never a good sign. But it wouldn’t be a freezing-as-shit day in Alaska if Palin hadn’t said something stupid through Meg Stapleton.
“We have purposefully ignored the mean spirited, malicious and untrue attacks on our family,” Palin spokeswoman Meg Stapleton said in the e-mail, on which Palin’s lawyer Thomas Van Flein was copied. “We, like many, are appalled at the inflammatory statements being made or implied. Trig is our ‘blessed little angel’ who knows it and is lovingly called that every day of his life. Even the thought that anyone would refer to Trig by any disparaging name is sickening and sad.”
Ignored them until Wednesday! Them’s fightin’ words, ma! Git the shawtgun! Let’s break it down, just a little. Through Stapleton (puke), Palin said:
We, like many, are appalled at the inflammatory statements being made or implied.”
Yeah? Who are these many? We’re totally not appalled at SCFOM.
Trig is our ‘blessed little angel’ who knows it and is lovingly called that every day of his life.”
First, the quotes around “blessed little angel” aren’t necessary above as they are here. See, we’re quoting, but you’re just stupid. And we don’t mean “stupid.” We mean stupid. Oh, and Trig has no idea that he’s your blessed little angel. He is concerned he’ll never be able to do the math after which he’s named (supposition), and his mother probably doesn’t know trig is math.
Even the thought that anyone would refer to Trig by any disparaging name is sickening and sad.”
You know what’s sickening and sad? That three in 10 Americans apparently think Palin is qualified to be President; that she bought more than $100,000 worth of clothes for her white trash brood and billed it to the RNC (if you’re wondering what the problem is with that, we’ll clue you in: You’re white trash, too); that her book, which is probably fulla recipes for cookin’ moose and talks about how bein’ governor is like bein’ point guard on a failing basketball team, is a national bestseller; that we’ve had to put up with the dumbing down of Fat America since Reagan, and clearly Fat America has no interest in bettering itself because it keeps barfing out twits like Palin.
Enough ranting from us. Here’s more ranting from Palin.
Consider the source of the most recent attention-getting lies – those who would sell their body for money reflect a desperate need for attention and are likely to say and do anything for even more attention,” [spokeswoman Stapleton] said.
Ms. Palin, wouldn’t you sell your body — nice subtle reference to Johnston being a whore, by the way — if that’s all you were qualified for? (The fact that that’s all she’s qualified for notwithstanding.) The way one deals with a loud-mouth, obnoxious former nearly-son-in-law is to ignore him. You’re the former governor. You’re the bestselling author. You’re the one who may be famous for 20 minutes instead of 15. Act like it and don’t pay the numbskull any attention.
The fact that Palin has pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes (read: every set of conservative asshole’s eyes) doesn’t disguise the fact that she’s a) incompetent, and b) a social-climbing dipshit. We’re going to go ahead and be a little sexist here, Ms. Palin: There’s no conservative man out there who wants you in the White House. They all want to fuck you (we’re not sure why), and if seeing you in the White House gets them closer to that fantasy goal, they’ll vote you in. And then they’ll feel guilty about having those evil sexy feelings in the first place.
And we don’t doubt that Palin called Trig a retard. Anyone would trot out her defenseless, Down syndrome-afllicted infant son for political gain would also certainly call him a retard in private. Can’t wait for 2012.
You can’t see why people would want to fuck Sarah Palin? I’m outraged! Shame on you, SCFOM of the earth! (See what I did there?)
From Andrew Sullivan (who’s gay):
A Political Wire reader who noted Sarah Palin’s attack on Levi Johnston yesterday — “those who would sell their body for money reflect a desperate need for attention and are likely to say and do anything for even more attention” — points us to a video clip of Palin in a beauty contest swimsuit competition.
I’m not sure which is less surprising, that she’s sold her body or that she’s a hypocrite.
[...] but is it really a coincidence that on the same day Sarah Palin jumped back into the fold (by calling sweet baby Trig a “retard”), Fox started talking about her goofy “death panel” nonsense [...]