You fucking hacks. What’s wrong with the word “wrote”? Doesn’t have that I’m-a-douchebag quality you were looking for? Let’s be clear about something. The word “penned” immediately, in the context of having written anything, lets the reader know a couple things:
1) You think the person or subject about which you’re writing is, like, super important.
2) You’re a self-important asshole.
We know. How is that different from Some Country for Old Men, a site for self-important assholes? It probably isn’t, except when we’re writing with self-importance, we write better than you do. So there.
“Penned” doesn’t lend an air of writerly panache to your work. It lends an air of turds. Use the word “penned” when you mean “wrote” or “written” and you’re a — wait for it — hack. You’re probably also a pretentious fop and a total dickhead, just so we’re clear.
A search of the past seven days on the New York Times shows that the word is used by readers (big surprise) and bloggers (likewise). It’s not used in stories. Give it time, though. The newspaper industry has gone to shit so it can’t be long before the copy editors add “penned” to the AP Style guide.
Following are some examples of just how wretchedly and awkwardly the word “penned” sits in sentences. Writer, publication and any subjects are spared the humiliation of knowing just how shitty they are (or have been rendered), mostly because nothing can save them.
Guitarist [B.G.] composed most of the tunes on [the album], but drummer [S.Z.] penned ‘You Me Who,’ which might explain that crazy beat.”
Barf.
Lord Byron challenged his friends to each write a supernatural tale. Mary Shelley penned ‘Frankenstein’; the boys were not nearly as successful.”
You know, Mary Shelley probably did pen Frankenstein because it was published in 1816. You fucking hack.
Ugh. Continuing.
The tales were the first in American literature to give human characteristics to animals and were unique because of the heavy dialect in which Harris penned the tales.”
…in which Harris WROTE the fucking tales. Wrote! And while we’re at it, find a different word for “tales” so you don’t have to use it twice in the same sentence.
You know, I have to quit finding examples or I’ll go insane. Suffice it to say that none of the writers or reporters I came across in my travels were respected writers or reporters. The examples I found were written by hacks.
Christ, Fat America, why do you suck ass so?
And then when all these scribes pen scripts for Hollywood movies, Variety will tell us who’ll be helming and lensing them. Then bloggers will pick up the story, talking about other coverage “over at” other sites and “after the jump” on their own. Dicks.
God. I forgot about all that other nonsense.
Look, most of the time, “penned” is used by english writers, for whom it is a regularly used phrase. Also, there is nothing inherently wrong with “penned,” so stating that it shouldn’t be used, as if it’s a rule about writing, is very muh a douche move.
If, however, you were to say, “In my opinion, the word ‘penned’ is stupid because…”, then it would make you look like much less of a tottal jerk.
You do not, however, have to take my word for it.
Whoa! Is my mother commenting on the site now? Thanks for the lesson in using “In my opinion”!
Anyway, you miss the point. Let me quote your tortured syntax here: “[M]ost of the time, ‘penned’ is used by [E]nglish writers, for whom it is a regularly used phrase.” That dubious fact which somehow makes “penned” acceptable doesn’t work. That’s like saying Creed must be a good band because they’ve sold millions of albums when in fact most people have shit music taste.
We live in a world in which people think they’re smart if they figure out a Dan Brown novel before they get to the end. And you’re very definitely the kind of “writer” who would use “penned” because you think it lends credence to your opinion/thought/whatever. Nonsense.
Dave, how many times a day do you smell your own farts?
Would it be juvenile to answer: “As many times a day as I do your mom”?