Yeah! They can’t possibly be Ruff Ryders because DMX would fuckin’ smoke they ass. Or maybe they’re members of the 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry from the Spanish-American war, because that’s what rough riders are! And what’s all this about being filled with Christ’s love? Are they having Christ’s baby? Did he shoot them with his Jesus load?
I should explain what I’m writing about. Remember that stupid fake hugging trend? You know, the one in which kids were spending so much time hugging they were all late for class and soccer practice?
Proving there’s nothing so absurd Jesus can’t make more absurd, a buncha slick gangsta foos wrote some rhymes and shit about how the side hug — hip to hip contact, yo — is all cool with the Lord God Jesus Christ and frontal hugs is all evil and shit. You know, cuz frontal hugs leads to babies and shit because you be all touchin’ yo privates together and whatnot. Damn! Video after the jump!
You’ll have to forgive the totally stupid, ass-backward, retarded fake gangsta prose with which I’m writing dis shit today, yo, but I gots all inspired by these white kids who are rappin’ and bustin’ rhymes about how foos be front huggin’ which Jesus don’t be appreciatin’ son! Seriously, I hope the ghost of ODB haunts these kids for the rest of their lives because there’s nothing that white God-fearing kids fear more than black guys, which makes their weird outdated gangsta jingle — complete with gunshots and sirens because they apparently thought up these mad beatz in reform school — even more trite than it already seems.
No bigger a national teen mom figure than Bristol “I had a white trash baby” Palin has said abstinence doesn’t work (and then reversed her position — ha! position — because she’s moved to La La Land). And everyone else agrees, too. Know why? Because private parts are fun, kids! As Eddie Murphy once said, go and get each other pregnant and play Space Invaders.
Anyway, we made our point. Abstinence education: not education. Kids: Stupid hormone factories. ODB: Dead (RIP, word). This video: Awesome in its awe-inspiring dumbness.
[h/t Eric S.]
