If there’s one thing we hate, aside from Sarah Palin, Nancy Pelosi, Max Baucus, Jim DeMint, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Michele Bachmann, soggy Rice Krispies, Kristen Wiig and Kate Beckinsale, it’s Weezer. Yeah. That’s right. Fucking nerd rock Weezer, here’s our message: Fuck you!
Or maybe that’s just my message (I can’t speak for Josh). But the whole still-geeky-after-all-these-years-despite-my-money-and-manipulation-of-the-music-industry is just fucking tired, man. Really. “Pork and Beans”? “Troublemaker”? “Beverly Hills”? Your new album is called Raditude? Hey, know how we knew The Red Album was moose piss? Stupid “Heart Songs,” which sounds like something that dispshit Mattie Stepanek would have written, and the fact that you let Scott Shriner sing one. I mean, WTF?
Look, Weezer (read: Rivers Cuomo), we’re onto your not-really-irony game. We’d be cool with letting you keep on keeping on if your music still was worth listening to. Unfortunately, in your last four albums you’ve only put out one album’s worth of listenable music, which is a shame. That’s why we smiled when we saw this story on the New York Times‘ ArtsBeat:
Rivers Cuomo, the front man for the rock band Weezer, sustained minor injuries in a tour bus crash on Sunday morning, and his wife, his infant daughter, his nanny and his assistant were left “either terrified or injured or both,” according to a post on the band’s MySpace blog. The band said that a bus carrying Mr. Cuomo, his family and assistants hit a patch of black ice on I-90 about 40 miles west of Albany at about 7:18 a.m. on Sunday. According to the blog post, the bus veered off the road and fell about 8 to 10 feet but did not flip or roll. The occupants were rescued by emergency medical workers and firefighters; Mr. Cuomo suffered three cracked ribs and his assistant, Sarah, fractured two ribs and a lower vertebra, but his wife and their daughter, who was in her crib, were said to be fine. The blog post said that Mr. Cuomo was “resting about as comfortably as could be expected now,” adding: “Whatever happens, we foresee some gritted teeth in his future.” The band said that its tour dates for December had been canceled and would be rescheduled as soon as possible.
We’re glad no one was seriously injured. Now use the holidays to recuperate and write a song worth a shit, or break up.
You forgot that you hate Kristen Wiig. A lot.
Added. Good catch. Must have been having a Zen moment when I wrote this, or something.
glad no babies were injured. i couldn’t agree more about their music, though. it’s amazing that i can still listen to and enjoy their first two records–no thanks to the continuing adventures of rivers cuomo.
in related news: the “epic” new smashing pumpkins song is an overwrought crap-fest: http://www.spinner.com/2009/12/07/smashing-pumpkins-a-song-for-a-sun-song-premiere/
Just listened to the new Smashing Pumpkins song, which is truly epic in its awfulness. Despite a couple good guitar solos, it has many things working against it: Corgan’s still-wretched singing voice; his maudlin, self-important lyrics; a drummer who ain’t Jimmy Chamberlain; a groove with no spark or life in it; piano more muddled than on The Beatles’ “Good Day Sunshine;” extreme overlength (insert dick joke here).