This guy found someone outside his marriage who would have sex with him.
Wait a minute…you mean a guy who’s decided to live his life according to the teachings of we’re-not-sure-whom couldn’t hack it? What the hell are we talking about?
We’re talking about Rep. Mark Souder (R-IN). This guy is so conservative that other people in Indiana say, “Holy shit, this guy’s conservative. And excuse me, Lord, for saying ‘shit’.”
The biggest surprise about this whole thing is not that Souder had an affair, but that he had an affair with a woman, which is exceedingly rare these days for vocal Jesus lovers. Here’s the skinny from Talking Points Memo:
[Souder] said in a statement that he “sinned against God, my wife and my family by having a mutual relationship with a part-time member of my staff.” And he blamed the atmosphere in Washington for forcing him to make the move:
“In the poisonous environment of Washington, D.C., any personal failing is seized upon, often twisted, for political gain. I am resigning rather than to put my family through that painful, drawn-out process.”
OK! Way to take the focus off the fact that you stuck your penis in a woman who wasn’t your wife by blaming your resignation not on your affair, but on Washington. Oh, the humanity!
We’re not even going to get into what God thinks of this whole thing (except: he doesn’t think about it because he doesn’t exist!).
Look, we at SCFOM don’t really care where you stick whatever as long as everyone involved is over 18 and totes down with your brand of sexiness. What we do mind is turning your personal failing into a rant against the political establishment. First, it’s cowardly. Second, it’s bullshit. Just ask Mark Sanford.
We understand it’s no longer the 1960s when a politician could do whatever he wanted as long as he kept it quiet, but that’s part of the problem with Souder’s statement. He tacitly laments the fact that we live in a time during which he can’t bone whomever he wants.
Here’s something from Souder’s website: “I am committed to fighting the assault on American values.” First step: Don’t destroy families!
Such is life. And such is your retirement, Mark. Enjoy getting looked at askance by the holier-than-thou citizens of Ft. Wayne, Ind., when you’re buying your groceries!
Don’t ya love it when these GOP Family Values dudes come out and say they sinned, then say it’s someone else’s fault they got caught?! I like the fact you mentioned that unbelievably he had an affair with a woman, given the fact these dudes seem to be going for the same-sex affairs. Aww! Poor little goper doesn’t like people using his peckerdillo for political gain? Oh well! =)