John Boehner – before the bill has passed – is already calling for its repeal.

Why?

Because he’s a total motherfucker.

I think it ought to be repealed,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner, in response to a question from TPMDC, at his weekly press conference Thursday.

Well good luck, fuckstick, but you have some serious problems. 1) This bill is broadly popular with Americans. 2) Some members of your own party like it. 3) Obama will sign the bill and make it law. 4) Even if you win majorities in the House and Senate this fall, Obama will veto any repeal you offer up. 5) You’ll never get 67 votes to override the veto.

So fuck off. Go support the economy by using a tanning bed and paying the 10 percent tax on it, dick.

Problem: You’ve just shot your grandson who was staying at your house and getting up to take a whiz in the middle of the night.

Total hokum, right? Wrong. Check out this totes similar real-life story from The World:

A Gold Beach man accidentally shot his grandson early Sunday morning.

Arthur Harkey, 72, told authorities he was awakened by a noise and grabbed his gun from his nightstand. Harkey said he was startled by a figure in the hallway of his Gold Beach home, and the gun discharged at close range. Harkey realized he had shot his grandson and called 911.

Patrol Lieutenant John Ward arrived at the scene and found 22-year-old Raymond Murray on the floor with a gunshot wound to his lower abdomen.

But there’s no connection between owning a gun and shooting someone with it and NOT owning a gun and NOT shooting someone with it. And you’d be a fool and a communist to think otherwise.

This shit is confusing, but here’s the low down: John McCain had the balls to call someone not himself a huckster.

I KNOW, RIGHT?!!

Granted, the one on the receiving end of the huckster taunt is JD Hayworth, who in addition to being a hate-filled, race-baiting motherfucker is also probably a huckster. He did a bunch (or maybe one, who the fuck cares?) of ads a couple years back promising “free information about ‘hundreds of billions of dollars in government funding’ to individuals who attend a conference on the topic,” which, by the way, sounds totally hucksterish.

BUT – and this is a big but – getting free money from the government is right up the political alley of a guy who claims to hate the government but wants to hold government office (meaning Hayworth).

As for McCain, his huckster status is unconfirmed. After all, he did give us Sarah Palin. And he claimed he never considered himself a maverick. And he stopped being sort of moderate and went way, way, way to the right. At least he’s not JD Hayworth.

I mean, look at Hayworth’s eerie, Satanic stare, his receding hairline and giant, flaring nostrils. How can you not trust him?

[via Political Ticker]

The poll has Perry and White at 43% each. The survey of registered voters has a ±4.4% margin of error. A key indicator of Perry’s vulnerability is that his approval rating is only 36%, with 49% disapproval, while White has a favorable rating of 37%-25%. In the horserace cross-tabs, Perry leads among Republicans by 74%-15%, White leads among Democrats by 76%-10%, and White leads with independents by 42%-36%.

We know what you’re thinking. 1. Polls don’t mean dick. 2. Just because a guy is a Democrat in Texas doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to secede. Answering the second part first: good point. As for the first part: FU.

Then there’s this:

Another important number, which should concern Perry in light of his growing national profile as a leader among Tea Party-style Republicans, is this question: “Do you think that Rick Perry should run for President in 2012?” The answer is only Yes 10%, No 69%.

Sigh of relief. Big sigh.

[via Mother Jones]

Nothing holier-than-thou here. Bleh.

[via Gizmodo]

That $20 billion in an escrow account? It’s a shakedown. A SHAKEDOWN, motherfucker. And you’d be a fool and communist to think otherwise.

Look, we’re not saying that Joe Barton is crazy (he’s fucking crazy), but when John Boehner, who looks like he tans with oil, disagrees with you openly, you’re really on the shit side of correct.

Here’s Joe Barton’s fucknuts statement. Even for a guy from an oil baron state, this is bananas. Oh and there’s video, too! This is really one of those only-in-America things.

I’m speaking now totally for myself, I’m not speaking for the Republican Party, I’m not speaking for anybody in the House of Representatives, but myself. But I’m ashamed of what happened in the White House yesterday.

I think it is a tragedy of the first proportion that a private corporation can be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown, in this case a $20 billion shakedown, with the Attorney General of the United States, who is legitimately conducting a criminal investigation and has every right to do so to protect the interests of the American people, participating in what amounts to a $20 billion slush fund that’s unprecedented in our nation’s history, that’s got not legal standing, and which sets I think a terrible precedent for the future.

If I called you into my office and I had the subcommittee chairman, Mr. Stupak, with me, who was legitimately conducting an oversight investigation on your company, and said if you put so many millions of dollars in a project in my my Congressional district, I could go to jail. And should go to jail.

Now there is no question that British Petroluem owns this lease, there is no question that British Petro– BP, I’m sorry, it’s not ‘British Petroleum’ anymore — that BP made decisions that objective people think compromised safety. There is no question that BP is liable for the damages. But we have a due process system where we go through hearings, and in some cases court cases, litigation, and determine what those damages are and when those damages should be paid.

So I’m only speaking for myself, I’m not speaking for anybody else. But I apologize. I do not want to live in a country where any time a citizen or a corporation does something that is legitimately wrong, is subject to to some sort of political pressure that is, again, in my words, amounts to a shakedown. So I apologize.

[via TPM]

Instead of attacking the president for all the things he could be legitimately accused of — failing to act in a timely manner; letting BP go unchecked in their relief efforts; letting BP screw around on claims; failing to meet with BP leadership — she’s attacking him for the one decent idea they have, an escrow fund of $20 billion BP dollars that will be administered to victims with legit claims.

Ugh, here:

The Minnesota Independent reports that Bachmann spoke Tuesday to the Heritage Foundation, and badmouthed the idea. “The president just called for creating a fund that would be administered by outsiders, which would be more of a redistribution-of-wealth fund,” said Bachmann. “And now it appears like we’ll be looking at one more gateway for more government control, more money to government.”

We’d believe Bachmann if she were a) correct, and b) sane. But this is what she always rails about. Government power. The same government that gives her a farm subsidy that she publicly rails against. She has no interests but her own.

[via TPM]