I know what you’re thinking: Wouldn’t a movie that was just the phrase, “Oh, grow the fuck up,” be really boring to watch for two hours? Well, guess what? They shot some pictures for this piece of shit and actually strung them together.

Don’t forget to watch the whole trailer because there’s a surprise at the end (JOHN GALT IS A TRANSVESTITE): IT’S JUST PART ONE.

The bottom line is, in the war against getting anything done in Congress Jim DeMint is a leader. A Supreme honcho. The teabagger favorite and all-around piece of human garbage has decided that Congress is engaged in the (fake) war on Christmas. He says the push to get the massive spending bill through the Senate in the days before Dec. 25 is — and we’re not kidding — sacrilegious. Just read for yourself!

You can’t jam a major arms control treaty right before Christmas,” he told POLITICO. “What’s going on here is just wrong. This is the most sacred holiday for Christians. They did the same thing last year – they kept everybody here until (Christmas Eve) to force something down everybody’s throat. I think Americans are sick of this.”

He’s right about one thing: Americans are sick. They’re sick of obstructionists blocking shit for the sake of blocking it. They’re sick of the two parties not being able to compromise about anything. And — we can only speak for ourselves in this case — they’re sick of fucking assholes like Jim DeMint using religion as an opportunity to be a cock. Does this fucking asshole know how many Christians work on Christmas? What a fuckface.

Pardon. That was a little much, even for us (though we did publish an anti-Elizabeth Edwards obit last week, so maybe this a step backward in the bile department).

DeMint conveniently glosses over the fact that a lame duck Congress does this shit all the time. That is, pushes a massive amount of legislation forward in an effort to get laws passed, and — just as importantly — fund the government before the session ends.

The kicker is that this bozo’s solution is to slow the process down so that everyone has to work longer. Yeah, that’ll show ‘em!

“DeMint has demanded a full reading of the treaty, a process that, ironically, will push the chance for a vote closer to Christmas.”

Asked if he were concerned that could further extend the lame-duck session until after Christmas, DeMint said: “So we all want to go home and be with our families. If they want to do it, let’s stay here until New Year’s eve.”

Fuck you, DeMint. Fuck you and your anti-Christian Christianity. We’re sure Jesus wold have done the same thing, force everyone to stay in one place and not go home to worship in His name!

On a side note, you’d think the teabaggers would have been more vocal when George W. Bush was spending huge sums on two wars, giving tax cuts to the rich, expanding a prescription drug program without paying for it and growing the federal government’s role in public education with middling results. But then again, he’s not black.

“It’s a flat-out lie,” [Norman] Dennison said [of climate change] in an interview after the debate, adding that he had based his view on the preaching of Rush Limbaugh and the teaching of Scripture. “I read my Bible,” Mr. Dennison said. “He made this earth for us to utilize.”

That’s what we’re dealing with. A guy who thinks a book written by people thousands of years ago holds more sway than science. And there are millions of morons like him out there. And they all vote.

Over at Talking Points Memo they’ve got a story about the Republican candidate challenging Rep. Alan Grayson (D-Fla.). We like Grayson. He’s a little nuts, but he speaks his mind and — this is the crazy part — he can usually find an objective fact to back up what he says (except that time he was on “Real Time with Bill Maher,” when he talked out his ass on some stuff).

I digress. Here’s Navy veteran and former airline pilot Dan Fanelli telling Florida that he supports racial profiling. This is not a joke.

My favorite part is when he calls himself ripped. Humor FAIL.

And then there’s this ad:

The only good thing about the message here is that the soundtrack may be by Lalo Schifrin.

Finally, Fanelli has an ad with a doctor telling an old man that he can’t get medical treatment because he’s passed the age limit. You know, death panels! Because they’re real! Guess: Old people in Florida are shitting themselves at the Fanelli ads. Because — and this is just the experience of having grandparents who voted for Perot — old people believe everything fringe candidates tell them.

The only good thing about the racism, fear-mongering and fucking horrible human being-ness of Dan Fanelli is that he’s running against Grayson who will totally not back down from any weird shit Fanelli throws his way. In fact, this whole ad campaign was probably designed to be outrageous because Grayson himself is a little bonkers.

That being said, there’s no excuse for a person like Dan Fanelli getting to Congress. There’s no excuse for Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) either, but that’s another post for another time.

We reported last week that insane nutjob and total racist asshole Lt. Col. Terrance Lakin was facing court martial for refusing to obey orders issued by Barack Obama. You know, because Obama’s a dirty Kenyan Negro Muslim interloper trying to bring the country down.

Wait! He’s not! But Lakin thinks he is. So Lakin didn’t follow orders, and now he’s been charged.

Good. Here’s the breakdown, via TPM:

Lakin was charged Thursday “with one specification of a violation of Article 87, Missing Movement and four specifications of a violation of Article 92 (three specifications of Failure to Obey a Lawful Order, and one Specification of Dereliction of Duty),” said Chuck Dasey, spokesman at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, where Lakin is assigned.

The court martial is likely to raise the prominence of what is already a cause célèbre among Birther adherents.

Late last month, Lakin released a YouTube video in which he explained that he would not report for a second tour in Afghanistan until Obama proves he is a citizen. A couple of weeks later, the Army announced he was under investigation.

Of course, Lakin thinks he’s a hero, and released this statement through another group of racist assholes.

I invited my court martial, and today I stand ready to answer these charges. I was prepared to deploy if only the President would authorize the release of the proof of his eligibility. He refused, and now the court will determine the issue, and my fate. The constitution matters. The truth matters,” he said.

Here’s a truth that matters: You’re going to do time for failure to obey lawful orders, Lt. Col. Lakin! Yes, you’re going in for all day, and Barack Obama’s still going to be president. Congratulations on choosing to stand up for a movement that’s been proved a) wrong, and b) nuts.

White House aides are scoffing at a move in the Arizona legislature to force President Obama to show his birth certificate to get on the state’s ballot in 2012 for his likely re-election battle.

The Arizona House voted Monday by a 31-22 margin to require all presidential candidates to prove they were born in the United States in order to meet the constitutional requirement. The measure still has to be considered by the Arizona state Senate before it can become law.

When the issue first popped up during the 2008 presidential election, the Obama campaign released the then-senator’s birth certificate showing that he was born in Hawaii. In December 2008, after Obama was elected, the U.S. Supreme Court turned down an emergency appeal from a New Jersey man claiming Obama was ineligible to serve as president.

That highlighted portion is of particular importance. Of course, these 31 dipshits will say the law has nothing to do with Barack Obama, and is just an effort to secure our borders from Soviet interlopers and Manchurian candidates, but let’s call it what it is: stupid, racist, a waste of time and tax payer dollars, and retarded.

[CNN]

First: We’ve seen their signs and heard them speak and wonder just what degrees they could possibly hold.

Second: Go fuck yourselves, teabaggers.

But just for shits and giggles, let’s discuss their corporate sponsored document!

We, the undersigned, call upon those seeking to represent us in public office to sign the Contract from America and by doing so commit to support each of its agenda items, work to bring each agenda item to a vote during the first year, and pledge to advocate on behalf of individual liberty, limited government, and economic freedom.

Know what? There’s nothing inherently insane in that paragraph. Unless you count the fact that most of the things they’re asking for are fucking stupid.

Individual Liberty

Our moral, political, and economic liberties are inherent, not granted by our government. It is essential to the practice of these liberties that we be free from restriction over our peaceful political expression and free from excessive control over our economic choices.

A gripe against the health care purchase mandate, though veiled here. No surprise.

Limited Government

The purpose of our government is to exercise only those limited powers that have been relinquished to it by the people, chief among these being the protection of our liberties by administering justice and ensuring our safety from threats arising inside or outside our country’s sovereign borders. When our government ventures beyond these functions and attempts to increase its power over the marketplace and the economic decisions of individuals, our liberties are diminished and the probability of corruption, internal strife, economic depression, and poverty increases.

You’ll find lots of people with lots of different ideas about what government is or is not. Exactly how the government is increasing its power in the marketplace, we’re not sure, and of course the teabaggers are not specific here.

Economic Freedom

The most powerful, proven instrument of material and social progress is the free market. The market economy, driven by the accumulated expressions of individual economic choices, is the only economic system that preserves and enhances individual liberty. Any other economic system, regardless of its intended pragmatic benefits, undermines our fundamental rights as free people.

The free market also has the power to destroy the lives of many of its country’s citizens, but why let a little thing like regulating derivatives stop the free market? Just how many teabaggers are actually voting against their own self interests? Let’s start with Joe the Plumber.

1. Protect the Constitution

Require each bill to identify the specific provision of the Constitution that gives Congress the power to do what the bill does. (82.03%)

Grow up.

2. Reject Cap & Trade

Stop costly new regulations that would increase unemployment, raise consumer prices, and weaken the nation’s global competitiveness with virtually no impact on global temperatures. (72.20%)

Prove that Cap & Trade does any of those things, and we’re on board.

3. Demand a Balanced Budget

Begin the Constitutional amendment process to require a balanced budget with a two-thirds majority needed for any tax hike. (69.69%)

Really? You want Medicare and Social Security but you don’t want to pay for them? Is that what we’re hearing? Check out this Boston Globe article if you think we’re being reductive.

While we’re at it, since teabaggers didn’t voice gripes when we went to war in Iraq – which we couldn’t pay for, by the way – we can only assume that you’ll be approving the tax hike to pay for it. Right?

4. Enact Fundamental Tax Reform

Adopt a simple and fair single-rate tax system by scrapping the internal revenue code and replacing it with one that is no longer than 4,543 words—the length of the original Constitution. (64.90%)

Syntax alert! The word “original” before the word “Constitution” is totally unnecessary because there’s only one Constitution. In fact, that’s why we capitalize it! The Articles of Confederation were a constitution, but since they didn’t work and there’s no one claiming that we would have been better with the Articles, there’s no reason to call the Constitution “original.” It’s just the Constitution.

Further: Teabaggers are idiots. Say we cap federal income tax at 13%. Person A makes $27,000 and therefore must pay $3,510 in federal income tax. Person B makes $1,270,000 a year. That person would owe $165,100 in income tax. Call me crazy, but I think Person A needs his $3,510 more than Person B needs his $165,100. Not saying Person A should be off the hook entirely. Just sayin’

Oh, just saying teabaggers are heartless assholes.

5. Restore Fiscal Responsibility & Constitutionally Limited Government in Washington

Create a Blue Ribbon taskforce that engages in a complete audit of federal agencies and programs, assessing their Constitutionality, and identifying duplication, waste, ineffectiveness, and agencies and programs better left for the states or local authorities, or ripe for wholesale reform or elimination due to our efforts to restore limited government consistent with the US Constitution’s meaning. (63.37%)

We’re all for reducing the size of government. Thanks for enlarging it, George W. Bush! If someone can find a way to govern 307,000,000 people while reducing the size of the government and making it more efficient, rock ‘n’ roll. Our suggestion: Hire Jack Welch to do the audit. Of course, his fee and the fees of the people performing the audit will raise the debt by millions and perhaps billions of dollars, but you have to spend to cut sometimes.

6. End Runaway Government Spending

Impose a statutory cap limiting the annual growth in total federal spending to the sum of the inflation rate plus the percentage of population growth. (56.57%)

Also, demand the president have Congress declare war before, say, invading Iraq with no plan to contain costs or abruptly end soldiers’ lives needlessly.

Define “growth.” Also, look into the future and see when the next financial crisis is going to happen so that no one can authorize a TARP-like bill that dishes out taxpayer money that hasn’t been collected.

7. Defund, Repeal, & Replace Government-run Health Care

Defund, repeal and replace the recently passed government-run health care with a system that actually makes health care and insurance more affordable by enabling a competitive, open, and transparent free-market health care and health insurance system that isn’t restricted by state boundaries. (56.39%)

“Defund” isn’t a word. This idea would be great, by the way, if there were government-run health care. Unless the teabaggers are talking about Medicare and Medicaid, which we assume they now want repealed.

8. Pass an ‘All-of-the-Above” Energy Policy

Authorize the exploration of proven energy reserves to reduce our dependence on foreign energy sources from unstable countries and reduce regulatory barriers to all other forms of energy creation, lowering prices and creating competition and jobs. (55.51%)

Vague. So, so, so vague. Explain, please.

9. Stop the Pork

Place a moratorium on all earmarks until the budget is balanced, and then require a 2/3 majority to pass any earmark. (55.47%)

Since earmarks make up about 1% of the budget, they really aren’t a big problem. They’re more of a political problem than a fiscal problem. But since teabaggers seem to focus on the money that goes into them – and 1% of trillions of dollars is nothing to sneeze at – we can really focus attention elsewhere.

10. Stop the Tax Hikes

Permanently repeal all tax hikes, including those to the income, capital gains, and death taxes, currently scheduled to begin in 2011. (53.38%)

How can you permanently repeal a tax hike if you also want to approve tax hikes with a two-thirds vote? (See #3.) THINK.

Ninety-five percent of American got a tax cut in 2009. That’s more Americans than Bush’s tax cuts ever benefited. And since the tax hikes the teabaggers are referring to will happen when Bush’s tax cuts expire, they can’t really blame Obama for that. But they will.

So that’s what we think of the Contract from America. But here’s what we dislike most: The fake signature at the bottom of it is from the America People.

We at SCFOM are Americans. Born and raised. We work. We pay taxes. We put up with teabaggers and their John Galt nonsense every day. They’ve gone too far this time. Kindly remove “The American People” from the signature line, or at least amend it to “The American People, except for Dave and Josh.”

We can’t speak for the rest of the country.

You don’t say! Let’s cut the shit and get right to the guts of it. Take it away, poll results!

The 18 percent of Americans who identify themselves as Tea Party supporters tend to be Republican, white, male, married and older than 45.

They hold more conservative views on a range of issues than Republicans generally. They are also more likely to describe themselves as “very conservative” and President Obama as “very liberal.”

And while most Republicans say they are “dissatisfied” with Washington, Tea Party supporters are more likely to classify themselves as “angry.”

Why are teabaggers angry? Because a Negro Muslim Kenyan Interloper Liar in the motherfucking White House is trying to take the money they stole rightfully through hedge funds and derivatives, you Che-loving prick!

Look, we don’t want to suggest that all teabaggers are racist, self-serving jerks. But taking a play from the Fox News school of journalism, check out this guy’s sign:

And yes, this asshole is a face of the teabagger movement. But back to the New York Times story!

The overwhelming majority of supporters say Mr. Obama does not share the values most Americans live by and that he does not understand the problems of people like themselves. More than half say the policies of the administration favor the poor, and 25 percent think that the administration favors blacks over whites — compared with 11 percent of the general public.

They are more likely than the general public, and Republicans, to say that too much has been made of the problems facing black people.

Asked what they are angry about, Tea Party supporters offered three main concerns: the recent health care overhaul, government spending and a feeling that their opinions are not represented in Washington.

To sum up, the teabaggers hate the stimulus bill that cut their taxes. Sure, the stimulus package only cut taxes for 95% of working families, but guess what? There’s no way that the 18% of Americans who describe themselves as teabaggers are all earning more than $200,000 a year solo or $250,000 per couple. Not. One. Fucking. Chance.

As for thinking that the administration favors blacks over whites: Quit your bitching. You’re afraid you’ve been knocked off the throne after holding it for the past FOREVER, whitey? Drink a glass of milk. Eat a sandwich. Shut the fuck up.

Finally, you think the government doesn’t represent your views? Guess how many senators are over 50 years old? 90! From that group, guess how many of them are white? 86! From that group, guess how many are men? 72! Last time we checked, white men didn’t make up 72% of the United States. They did make 72% of the money, but that’s another story for another time.

So now that we’ve established that teabaggers are really just white guys pissed off because they don’t want a field hand tellin’ ‘em how to live, and they don’t know what’s in the stimulus, and they don’t know dick, let’s let them talk about the world as they see it.

“The only way they will stop the spending is to have a revolt on their hands,” Elwin Thrasher, a 66-year-old semiretired lawyer in Florida, said in an interview after the poll. “I’m sick and tired of them wasting money and doing what our founders never intended to be done with the federal government.”

A founder such as Alexander Hamilton, who favored a strong national government? The guy on the $10 bill? Or John Adams, the second president? Hey, Elwin — nice name, btw — did you speak up when George W. Bush took this country to Iraq with no way to pay for it? Did you complain to your senator or representative about bank practices before or after Lehman Brothers crashed? As for revolting: I dare you.

[Teabaggers] are far more pessimistic than Americans in general about the economy. More than 90 percent of Tea Party supporters think the country is headed in the wrong direction, compared with about 60 percent of the general public. About 6 in 10 say “America’s best years are behind us” when it comes to the availability of good jobs for American workers.

Of course they think this country is headed in the wrong direction. Only a faggot-commie country would provide health care to its citizens.

Nearly 9 in 10 disapprove of the job Mr. Obama is doing over all, and about the same percentage fault his handling of major issues: health care, the economy and the federal budget deficit. Ninety-two percent believe Mr. Obama is moving the country toward socialism, an opinion shared by more than half of the general public.

Related: our standard griping about where was the griping under Bush, etc. And clearly these fools and more than half the general public have ZERO idea what constitutes socialism. You do know that the health care bill is one of the biggest CAPITALIST moves ever in history, right? Thirty-two million Americans are not going to buy insurance from the government because the government didn’t provide a public option. Buying a good or service from a private company is the OPPOSITE of socialism.

“I just feel he’s getting away from what America is,” said Kathy Mayhugh, 67, a retired medical transcriber in Jacksonville. “He’s a socialist. And to tell you the truth, I think he’s a Muslim and trying to head us in that direction, I don’t care what he says. He’s been in office over a year and can’t find a church to go to. That doesn’t say much for him.”

Controlled reaction to a stupid person acting stupidly: Kathy, you’re an idiot and a bigot. Pray tell — because praying must be important to a churchgoer such as yourself — what difference does it make if Obama is a Muslim? How exactly is he trying to push us in that direction?

But in follow-up interviews, Tea Party supporters said they did not want to cut Medicare or Social Security — the biggest domestic programs, suggesting instead a focus on “waste.”

And why not cut Medicare or Social Security? Because these teabaggers are old and they want health care and a pension. The socialist goons. Are you really surprised that they’re hypocrites?

Some defended being on Social Security while fighting big government by saying that since they had paid into the system, they deserved the benefits.

Others could not explain the contradiction.

“That’s a conundrum, isn’t it?” asked Jodine White, 62, of Rocklin, Calif. “I don’t know what to say. Maybe I don’t want smaller government. I guess I want smaller government and my Social Security.” She added, “I didn’t look at it from the perspective of losing things I need. I think I’ve changed my mind.”

Ugh. The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Speaking of waste: Teabaggers, you’re a waste. Each of you. You could really do the country a favor and cut waste by sucking a tailpipe or eating one of those assault rifles you wave around at your stupid rallies. Aside: Rocklin, Calif. is a horrible suburb of horrible Sacramento, a town that prides itself on being uneducated.

Teabaggers are educated. Could have fooled us.

We’re not going to spend any time debunking the birther ideology because it’s been debukned countless times. We will say, though, that Lt. Col. Terry Lakin is racist, insane, and deserves to spend some time in prison for refusing a direct order from the Commander-in-Chief of the United States armed forces, the President of the United States, Barack Obama.

Per the U.S. Constitution, Article II, Section 2, Clause I, the President “shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States, and of the Militia of the several States, when called into the actual Service of the United States.”

Read the whole story at NBC News. There’s video of this nutjob after the jump.