I know what you’re thinking: Wouldn’t a movie that was just the phrase, “Oh, grow the fuck up,” be really boring to watch for two hours? Well, guess what? They shot some pictures for this piece of shit and actually strung them together.

Don’t forget to watch the whole trailer because there’s a surprise at the end (JOHN GALT IS A TRANSVESTITE): IT’S JUST PART ONE.

On a side note, you’d think the teabaggers would have been more vocal when George W. Bush was spending huge sums on two wars, giving tax cuts to the rich, expanding a prescription drug program without paying for it and growing the federal government’s role in public education with middling results. But then again, he’s not black.

Just take a look at this thing he said over the summer:

All of the president’s talk of post-partisanship, reaching out and finding common ground reminds us that the country deserves better than his hyper-partisan speech today.”

And then Boehner said that following on Sean Hannity’s wretched show Thursday:

This is not a time for compromise, and I can tell you that we will not compromise on our principles,” Boehner said during an appearance on conservative Sean Hannity’s radio show.

Yes, the compromise thus far has been really heartening. Can’t wait for the non-compromise.

“It’s a flat-out lie,” [Norman] Dennison said [of climate change] in an interview after the debate, adding that he had based his view on the preaching of Rush Limbaugh and the teaching of Scripture. “I read my Bible,” Mr. Dennison said. “He made this earth for us to utilize.”

That’s what we’re dealing with. A guy who thinks a book written by people thousands of years ago holds more sway than science. And there are millions of morons like him out there. And they all vote.

Writer Sara Murray doesn’t come right out and say that Americans are stupid, lazy hypocrites but, hey, we read between the lines and are doing it for her. Americans are stupid, lazy hypocrites. (They’re also fat but that’s another story for another day).

We’ve all heard lately that the deficit is booming, there’s too much government spending, Social Security’s fucked, etc. All of those things are true, of course. Why? Well, the deficit is booming because someone has to kick start the economy and tax cuts for rich people aren’t going to do it. And yes, just in case you’re wondering, the stimulus worked. Certainly not the way the administration thought it would and not as well as it could have, either — because the administration made the mistake of thinking that Americans are rational, thoughtful people — but it did. Just not well enough.

So enough of the background. Here’s what we mean when we say Americans are the problem:

Efforts to tame America’s ballooning budget deficit could soon confront a daunting reality: Nearly half of all Americans live in a household in which someone receives government benefits, more than at any time in history.

At the same time, the fraction of American households not paying federal income taxes has also grown — to an estimated 45% in 2010, from 39% five years ago, according to the Tax Policy Center, a nonpartisan research organization.

Oops.

Yet even as Americans express concern over the deficit in opinion polls, many oppose benefit cuts, particularly with the economy on an uneven footing. A Wall Street Journal/NBC News poll conducted late last month found 61% of voters were “enthusiastic” or “comfortable” with congressional candidates who support cutting federal spending in general. But 56% expressed the same enthusiasm for candidates who voted to extend unemployment benefits.

Of course they do! Because they don’t understand how money and business and spending and government works. And guess what? It’s actually not that difficult. Here’s how the government entitlement part goes: If you want Medicare (and judging by how many people want the government to keep their filthy hands off Medicare, you do), you have to pay for it. The way you pay for it is by taxes!

Also: If you want Social Security, you have to pay for it — as a payroll tax! See, that’s how entitlement programs work. They have to be paid for somehow. Social security isn’t a handout; you pay into it with every paycheck (assuming your employer isn’t a total scumbag). The problem with Social Security isn’t that it’s welfare (it isn’t). The problem is that when it was enacted the population was about 130,000,000, lived until they were about 65 or died in World War II. Now the population is about 300,000,000 and everyone is really fucking old.

We’re not suggesting that there’s not waste in government. Any system that would employ Charlie Rangel for 40 years has serious problems. We’re just saying that if you want spending limited, you may have to take a cut in something you enjoy. We’re perfectly prepared to eat baloney for a couple months. Is the rest of America? Well, they’re already eating baloney and it’s making them fat. But we’re talking about eating baloney from a symbolic and from a monetary point of view, you know, baloney being cheap…

Oh, fuck it. Long story short: Americans are stupid.

Nothing holier-than-thou here. Bleh.

[via Gizmodo]

Seriously, what’s with the love for Israel? Aside from, you know, them being a totally great ally in a region where they’ve boosted Fat American street cred (sarcasm), what have they done for us?

We’re not suggesting that there’s a black and white angle for Israel and Palestine. Not at all. That region of the planet is far too old and fucked up and filled with people who are born hating each other to go making knee-jerk decisions about everything that goes on there.

Which is why — hey, hear us out! — it’s totally retarded to get angry at Helen Thomas about being Helen Thomas. She’s old and senile, and like your grandmother, doesn’t give a shit that she’s not allowed to say the first thing that pops into her head. For Christ’s sake, after she told that rabbi that Jews should get the hell out of Palestine, she asked him for a good gefilte fish casserole recipe. She’s fucking bonkers.

And since we should be exploring every idea about how to resolve the Israel-Palestine debacle, Israeli Jews getting the hell out is a legit option. But getting angry at Helen Thomas? Christ, tomorrow she’ll get her head caught in her golf bag and everyone will forget about what she said about Israel.

Oh, and reporters who are angry at her: Can’t say anything bad about Israel? Fine. But you cuntbags sat there and let George Bush start a war with false evidence and THIS makes you mad!? Mad enough to ask that she quit? That’s an inappropriate reaction to Helen Thomas being Helen Thomas.

“Thank you mr bush for lying to the American people and for starting a war with Iraq for oil, that cost more american lives than the tragic 9/11 events. Your environmental legacy is washing up on the shores and wetlands of the Gulf Coast. I hope you made daddy proud”

“Dear Mr. Bush: One day when I grow up I hope to be able to become president and shit all over the Contitution like you did.”

“We all kinda thought this guy was a massive douche as a president”

“Thanks a lot for getting us involved in 2 wars we didn’t need, stealing an election, shredding the bill of rights with the PATRIOT Act, mismanaging Hurrican Katrina, having a backwards environmental policy, giving tax cuts to the rich, endorsing torture, taking us 12 trillion dollars in debt after a 200 billion dollar …surplus, politically firing U.S Attorneys, and nearly killing a CIA officer in a purposeful leak from the White House!”

“Hey, is Cheney down in the bunker playing 911 wargames again? FUCK YOU, YOU SHITBAG PLANET-RAPE APOLOGIST! I hope you get sodomized in hell by demon goats with barbed dicks.”

More to come!

[Ed.: So many people are thanking Bush on the FB page for "keeping us safe." Yes, thanks! Except on Sept. 11, 2001, when you let 19 hijackers with four planes attack us and kill 3,000 Americans while you sat on your ass in a Florida classroom. And except for spreading global terrorism and making the Muslim world hate us more. Thanks for keeping us safe except for the two wars that have killed thousands of American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of civilians. Thanks so much!]