In case you're wondering, yes, that's the glow of the TelePrompTer reflecting in Palin's glasses.

It’s bad enough that you’ve likely convinced a bunch of dumb, fat white guys out there who want to fuck you that you’d make a good president. But seriously, just stop being a horrible, ignorant, intolerant, pandering former half-term governor.

There are times on this site when we think we shouldn’t call Sarah Palin names because, you know, we have employers and eventually we’ll want to get new jobs somewhere else or get fired and then need to find a new job and someday a future employer will look at this website and say, “This person’s nuts. We can’t hire someone who’s NUTS.” (BTW, that’s what the Fat American people should say at the polls in 2012 when Sarah Palin runs for president on the Teabagger ticket.)

But then we see Palin’s stupid Luke Wilson jaw and her dumb, smug face and we lose our minds. She can’t DO ANYTHING BUT INCITE FEAR AND HATRED.

And you know what? She’s not entirely stupid because she’s smart enough to know that “blood libel” is a code phrase to anti-Semites across this country. She’s smart enough to know that it’s a wink to people who hate, people who eat up her garbage, people who just can’t stand that a black man is president.

WHY, WHY, WHY DOES ANYONE LISTEN TO THIS FUCKING CHEERLEADER?

We’ll tell you why people (and we use the word “people” loosely) listen to her: Because most Americans still live in high school well past the age of 18.

“Blood libel.” Sweet Jesus. What an ASSHOLE. We want to give you the benefit of the doubt that you didn’t know what that meant, but you’re beyond being afforded that luxury. You pander to the least common denominator and when you casually pepper your speech with anti-Semitic dog whistles, everyone knows it was intentional.

Fuck. This fucking country.

So someone walked into an event that Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords (D-Ariz.) was holding outside a grocery store. Shot her in the head. Killed at least four people. Giffords is in surgery as of 3:39 p.m. ET.

Here are some choice images from Sarah Palin’s Facebook page. You remember the crosshairs? Yeah. Here’s THAT image. Of course, it’s not murder — or attempted murder — if you’re totally being a maverick, which the shooter, certainly a patriot, no doubt is.

And here’s the note on Palin’s Facebook page, helpfully screengrabbed in case it disappears.

If the Tea Party video hasn’t convinced you, maybe this HealthDay article will. Sure, it’s a couple weeks old, but we had an Old 96er to get through. Anyway, here’s some really frightening/hilarious information from the story:

Thirty percent of those in the “overweight” class believed they were actually normal size, while 70 percent of those classified as obese felt they were simply overweight. Among the heaviest group, the morbidly obese, almost 60 percent pegged themselves as obese, while another 39 percent considered themselves merely overweight.

In a word: Gah! And if you needed further evidence that those who look in the mirror and see that extra 30 pounds as normal are stupid, well, you’re stupid. And you have body image problems. And you need to see a therapist. And you need to go to the gym.

The one not-funny thing about this story is that 30 pounds overweight is the new normal. “Super Size Me” isn’t scary. It’s reality. Where’s Jamie Oliver when you need him?

Nothing holier-than-thou here. Bleh.

[via Gizmodo]

Much like “Twin Peaks,” LOST mashed a lot of genres together. David Lynch seemingly set out to make a really dark, supernatural freak-fest dressed up as a soap opera, and ultimately the resolution (and entire second season) was extremely disappointing. LOST was a drama about interpersonal relationships, choices, actions, love and death (a soap opera) dressed up as a paranormal, mad-scientist weirdo-parade. The reason “Twin Peaks” failed is because it lost its heart in its second act. The superficial mask of humanity simply didn’t remain intact, and it was difficult to care about the characters anymore. LOST kept its heart in the right place. The rest doesn’t really matter.

Maybe the way you feel about the show’s resolution comes down to the kind of “man” you are (women, please excuse the reduction for the sake of reference). Are you a man of science, or a man of faith? Regardless of what LOST meant by “faith,” I don’t mean it in the Judeo-Christian sense. What I mean is: what matters to you — logistics or humanity?

Did you care about many of these characters? Did you really care about them? Their back-stories were rich and complex. The acting was often top-notch, and the emotion was often very real for viewers (and apparently for the cast, as well). The polar bear, the hatch and the three-toed statue were devices to draw us in. The mysteries are what keep us watching, not what we are rewarded with in the end. The show was always at its best when we were left in the dark. Answers could only be disappointing. “Twin Peaks” is as good an example of this as any.

LOST left us with a lot more than answers, though. It brought something special to television viewers who demanded more from the medium than “Slut Town” and “American’s Next Top Grilled Cheese Sandwich” (ed. note: YUM!). The true test of an important, timeless show is its contribution to enriching culture. When a taxi cab zips by while it’s receipt is still printing, you’ll remember the black smoke. As you approach the check-out counter at the supermarket, you’ll think of the button.

To faithful viewers of the show, think of your favorite character on LOST, and then try to forget that character. Try to imagine a world in which that character never existed. Depending on whom you pick, it might seem impossible, because a lot of the characters don’t really seem all that fictional. I don’t personally want to live in a world — or a flash-sideways — where Sawyer, Hurley and Charlie don’t exist. I care about those characters. More importantly, I have friends and loved ones — old and new — who feel the same way.

LOST was essentially about a shared experience: the experience of crash landing on a weird island, and learning to live together in the hopes of eventual rescue. Watching the show was the same: the shared experience of watching people crash land on a weird island, while trying to understand what was happening in the hopes of resolution. Not everyone on the island lived long enough to escape, and not all of us felt satisfied with the show’s resolution, but we did it together without having to watch “American Idol.”

The show’s finale made no attempt to hide the fact that LOST is (and always has been) about LOVE. It’s about the people in your life whom you’ve come to care for, and whom you’d risk your life to protect. That’s what life is about, too. In the end, the polar bears and hatches and buttons and three-toed statues in life don’t really matter.

Eric (iamtheeric) is a semi-professional human being who likes to take photographs, make music and go bowling. Read more from him at http://iamtheeric.wordpress.com/

Over at Talking Points Memo they’ve got a story about the Republican candidate challenging Rep. Alan Grayson (D-Fla.). We like Grayson. He’s a little nuts, but he speaks his mind and — this is the crazy part — he can usually find an objective fact to back up what he says (except that time he was on “Real Time with Bill Maher,” when he talked out his ass on some stuff).

I digress. Here’s Navy veteran and former airline pilot Dan Fanelli telling Florida that he supports racial profiling. This is not a joke.

My favorite part is when he calls himself ripped. Humor FAIL.

And then there’s this ad:

The only good thing about the message here is that the soundtrack may be by Lalo Schifrin.

Finally, Fanelli has an ad with a doctor telling an old man that he can’t get medical treatment because he’s passed the age limit. You know, death panels! Because they’re real! Guess: Old people in Florida are shitting themselves at the Fanelli ads. Because — and this is just the experience of having grandparents who voted for Perot — old people believe everything fringe candidates tell them.

The only good thing about the racism, fear-mongering and fucking horrible human being-ness of Dan Fanelli is that he’s running against Grayson who will totally not back down from any weird shit Fanelli throws his way. In fact, this whole ad campaign was probably designed to be outrageous because Grayson himself is a little bonkers.

That being said, there’s no excuse for a person like Dan Fanelli getting to Congress. There’s no excuse for Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) either, but that’s another post for another time.

Naturally, Perry pulled the laser-sighted pistol he keeps in his waistband — while jogging — and blew the coyote to smithereens. Or, in Perry’s words, turned him into mulch.

Perry said he will carry his .380 Ruger – loaded with hollow-point bullets – when jogging on trails because he is afraid of snakes. He’d also seen coyotes in the undeveloped area.

When one came out of the brush toward his daughter’s Labrador retriever, Perry charged.

“Don’t attack my dog or you might get shot … if you’re a coyote,” he said Tuesday.

Perry told The Associated Press on Tuesday he needed just one shot from the laser-sighted pistol he sometimes carries while jogging to take down a coyote that menaced his puppy during a February run near Austin.

We don’t have a problem with shooting coyotes. We do have a problem when a person’s reason for shooting a coyote doesn’t make sense. Have you ever seen a southern coyote? They’re tiny. They’re about two feet long (maybe).

Also, and this is the really important part, no coyote we’ve ever been near — and we’ve been near a few (don’t ask) — would come anywhere near a human. Unless it has rabies, in which case it may try to tear your eyes out and piss on your skull just because it’s bored on a Saturday night. But nothing in the good governor’s description makes us think this coyote was loco.

Let’s hear Perry’s version:

I’m enjoying the run when something catches my eye and it’s this coyote. I know he knows I’m there. He never looks at me, he is laser-locked on that dog,” Perry said.

“I holler and the coyote stopped. I holler again. By this time I had taken my weapon out and charged it. It is now staring dead at me. Either me or the dog are in imminent danger. I did the appropriate thing and sent it to where coyotes go,” he said.

Perry said the laser-pointer helped make a quick, clean kill.

“It was not in a lot of pain,” he said. “It pretty much went down at that particular juncture.”

Texas state law allows people to shoot coyotes that are threatening livestock or domestic animals. The dog was unharmed, Perry said.

We would have believed your story a lot more if you’d had to shoot the dog because it got scratched up by the coyote. (Aside: Was the governor’s gun made by Acme?) And although the the gov’s use of the word juncture is not technically incorrect (a juncture can be a moment in time), we think he probably was using juncture to mean “location,” and unless the shooting took place at, say, a railroad juncture, he’s using the wrong word.

But clearly the coyote apparently was packing heat as he was “laser-locked” on the dog. So good work, Gov.!

Anyway, aside from this AP story, there’s no record of the governor discharging a weapon. Why would there be?

Perry’s security detail was not required to file a report about the governor discharging a weapon, said Department of Public Safety spokeswoman Tela Mange.

“People shoot coyotes all the time, snakes all the time,” Mange said. “We don’t write reports.”

Her name is Mange. And this is a story about a coyote attacking a dog. Ha!

Oh, Texas. Keep executing innocents, sentencing retards to 100 years, rewriting history and shooting coyotes. We still love you.

You don’t say! Let’s cut the shit and get right to the guts of it. Take it away, poll results!

The 18 percent of Americans who identify themselves as Tea Party supporters tend to be Republican, white, male, married and older than 45.

They hold more conservative views on a range of issues than Republicans generally. They are also more likely to describe themselves as “very conservative” and President Obama as “very liberal.”

And while most Republicans say they are “dissatisfied” with Washington, Tea Party supporters are more likely to classify themselves as “angry.”

Why are teabaggers angry? Because a Negro Muslim Kenyan Interloper Liar in the motherfucking White House is trying to take the money they stole rightfully through hedge funds and derivatives, you Che-loving prick!

Look, we don’t want to suggest that all teabaggers are racist, self-serving jerks. But taking a play from the Fox News school of journalism, check out this guy’s sign:

And yes, this asshole is a face of the teabagger movement. But back to the New York Times story!

The overwhelming majority of supporters say Mr. Obama does not share the values most Americans live by and that he does not understand the problems of people like themselves. More than half say the policies of the administration favor the poor, and 25 percent think that the administration favors blacks over whites — compared with 11 percent of the general public.

They are more likely than the general public, and Republicans, to say that too much has been made of the problems facing black people.

Asked what they are angry about, Tea Party supporters offered three main concerns: the recent health care overhaul, government spending and a feeling that their opinions are not represented in Washington.

To sum up, the teabaggers hate the stimulus bill that cut their taxes. Sure, the stimulus package only cut taxes for 95% of working families, but guess what? There’s no way that the 18% of Americans who describe themselves as teabaggers are all earning more than $200,000 a year solo or $250,000 per couple. Not. One. Fucking. Chance.

As for thinking that the administration favors blacks over whites: Quit your bitching. You’re afraid you’ve been knocked off the throne after holding it for the past FOREVER, whitey? Drink a glass of milk. Eat a sandwich. Shut the fuck up.

Finally, you think the government doesn’t represent your views? Guess how many senators are over 50 years old? 90! From that group, guess how many of them are white? 86! From that group, guess how many are men? 72! Last time we checked, white men didn’t make up 72% of the United States. They did make 72% of the money, but that’s another story for another time.

So now that we’ve established that teabaggers are really just white guys pissed off because they don’t want a field hand tellin’ ‘em how to live, and they don’t know what’s in the stimulus, and they don’t know dick, let’s let them talk about the world as they see it.

“The only way they will stop the spending is to have a revolt on their hands,” Elwin Thrasher, a 66-year-old semiretired lawyer in Florida, said in an interview after the poll. “I’m sick and tired of them wasting money and doing what our founders never intended to be done with the federal government.”

A founder such as Alexander Hamilton, who favored a strong national government? The guy on the $10 bill? Or John Adams, the second president? Hey, Elwin — nice name, btw — did you speak up when George W. Bush took this country to Iraq with no way to pay for it? Did you complain to your senator or representative about bank practices before or after Lehman Brothers crashed? As for revolting: I dare you.

[Teabaggers] are far more pessimistic than Americans in general about the economy. More than 90 percent of Tea Party supporters think the country is headed in the wrong direction, compared with about 60 percent of the general public. About 6 in 10 say “America’s best years are behind us” when it comes to the availability of good jobs for American workers.

Of course they think this country is headed in the wrong direction. Only a faggot-commie country would provide health care to its citizens.

Nearly 9 in 10 disapprove of the job Mr. Obama is doing over all, and about the same percentage fault his handling of major issues: health care, the economy and the federal budget deficit. Ninety-two percent believe Mr. Obama is moving the country toward socialism, an opinion shared by more than half of the general public.

Related: our standard griping about where was the griping under Bush, etc. And clearly these fools and more than half the general public have ZERO idea what constitutes socialism. You do know that the health care bill is one of the biggest CAPITALIST moves ever in history, right? Thirty-two million Americans are not going to buy insurance from the government because the government didn’t provide a public option. Buying a good or service from a private company is the OPPOSITE of socialism.

“I just feel he’s getting away from what America is,” said Kathy Mayhugh, 67, a retired medical transcriber in Jacksonville. “He’s a socialist. And to tell you the truth, I think he’s a Muslim and trying to head us in that direction, I don’t care what he says. He’s been in office over a year and can’t find a church to go to. That doesn’t say much for him.”

Controlled reaction to a stupid person acting stupidly: Kathy, you’re an idiot and a bigot. Pray tell — because praying must be important to a churchgoer such as yourself — what difference does it make if Obama is a Muslim? How exactly is he trying to push us in that direction?

But in follow-up interviews, Tea Party supporters said they did not want to cut Medicare or Social Security — the biggest domestic programs, suggesting instead a focus on “waste.”

And why not cut Medicare or Social Security? Because these teabaggers are old and they want health care and a pension. The socialist goons. Are you really surprised that they’re hypocrites?

Some defended being on Social Security while fighting big government by saying that since they had paid into the system, they deserved the benefits.

Others could not explain the contradiction.

“That’s a conundrum, isn’t it?” asked Jodine White, 62, of Rocklin, Calif. “I don’t know what to say. Maybe I don’t want smaller government. I guess I want smaller government and my Social Security.” She added, “I didn’t look at it from the perspective of losing things I need. I think I’ve changed my mind.”

Ugh. The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Speaking of waste: Teabaggers, you’re a waste. Each of you. You could really do the country a favor and cut waste by sucking a tailpipe or eating one of those assault rifles you wave around at your stupid rallies. Aside: Rocklin, Calif. is a horrible suburb of horrible Sacramento, a town that prides itself on being uneducated.

Teabaggers are educated. Could have fooled us.

Of course, not everyone is happy about the proposed switch. And why should Marylanders – or whatever these hayseeds are called – be happy about it? In the North we’d demand they get their teeth fixed and we’d make all the men get neutered so they can’t spawn more little buck-toothed crackers than they already have.

Here’s a genuine local’s take on the whole thing. (Beware: You will totally want to punch this person in the neck.)

Diane Schwallenberg, who has lived in the Annapolis area all of her 53 years, said she feels more Southern because of the state capital’s laid-back waterside atmosphere and small-town friendliness. But she said she has noticed a change over the years as more people have moved to the area.

“Some of the new people that come in – not the real, true Annapolitans in particular – but people that have come in are kind of preppy and all,” she said.

Yeah! They shower and wear pants! It’s totally bizarre. It must be pretty weird for someone like Schwallenberg, who’s been alone in using the phrase “and all” since J.D. Salinger died.

But here’s the real reason Maryland shouldn’t come to the North, aside from the “we don’t want you, losers” reason:

Marylanders live just south of the Mason-Dixon Line[.]

Case closed. Go back to making your corn moonshine and putting your car on blocks in the driveway, rubes.

And then there’s the accompanying head-scratcher explanations. Fewer people think they’ll feel the effects of global warming in their lifetimes. Fewer people think it’s caused by humans. In an unrelated poll, Gallup also found that more people think they’ll find gold by sticking their fingers up their asses.

Anyway, here we get to the guts of it:

Since last fall, there have been widespread news accounts of allegations of errors in scientific reports on global warming and alleged attempts by some scientists to doctor the global warming record.

These news reports may well have caused some Americans to re-evaluate the scientific consensus on global warming. Roughly half of Americans now say that “most scientists believe that global warming is occurring,” down from 65% in recent years. The dominant opposing thesis, held by 36% of Americans, is that scientists are unsure about global warming. An additional 10% say most scientists believe global warming is not occurring.

There’s an “implications” section, too, but we can size that one up for you. A couple e-mails with language that’s difficult to understand (with words such as “trick”!) from scientists at a renowned institution, and people all of a sudden start believing Sarah Palin and John Boehner, a couple of nitwits with all the scientific learning of a couple eighth grade dropouts.

Why can’t anyone stop believing in God when faced with, say, science like evolution? Oh, wait. Evolution is just an unproven theory!

Right. Implications: We’re fucked. Americans would rather be fat, lazy, stupid and totally, totally willfully ignorant. (There are a lot of adverbs in that sentence. Sorry.) Time to buy some stock in the Toxic Ten. You won’t have much time to enjoy your earnings, but a gal can dream, right?