In case you're wondering, yes, that's the glow of the TelePrompTer reflecting in Palin's glasses.

It’s bad enough that you’ve likely convinced a bunch of dumb, fat white guys out there who want to fuck you that you’d make a good president. But seriously, just stop being a horrible, ignorant, intolerant, pandering former half-term governor.

There are times on this site when we think we shouldn’t call Sarah Palin names because, you know, we have employers and eventually we’ll want to get new jobs somewhere else or get fired and then need to find a new job and someday a future employer will look at this website and say, “This person’s nuts. We can’t hire someone who’s NUTS.” (BTW, that’s what the Fat American people should say at the polls in 2012 when Sarah Palin runs for president on the Teabagger ticket.)

But then we see Palin’s stupid Luke Wilson jaw and her dumb, smug face and we lose our minds. She can’t DO ANYTHING BUT INCITE FEAR AND HATRED.

And you know what? She’s not entirely stupid because she’s smart enough to know that “blood libel” is a code phrase to anti-Semites across this country. She’s smart enough to know that it’s a wink to people who hate, people who eat up her garbage, people who just can’t stand that a black man is president.

WHY, WHY, WHY DOES ANYONE LISTEN TO THIS FUCKING CHEERLEADER?

We’ll tell you why people (and we use the word “people” loosely) listen to her: Because most Americans still live in high school well past the age of 18.

“Blood libel.” Sweet Jesus. What an ASSHOLE. We want to give you the benefit of the doubt that you didn’t know what that meant, but you’re beyond being afforded that luxury. You pander to the least common denominator and when you casually pepper your speech with anti-Semitic dog whistles, everyone knows it was intentional.

Fuck. This fucking country.

The bottom line is, in the war against getting anything done in Congress Jim DeMint is a leader. A Supreme honcho. The teabagger favorite and all-around piece of human garbage has decided that Congress is engaged in the (fake) war on Christmas. He says the push to get the massive spending bill through the Senate in the days before Dec. 25 is — and we’re not kidding — sacrilegious. Just read for yourself!

You can’t jam a major arms control treaty right before Christmas,” he told POLITICO. “What’s going on here is just wrong. This is the most sacred holiday for Christians. They did the same thing last year – they kept everybody here until (Christmas Eve) to force something down everybody’s throat. I think Americans are sick of this.”

He’s right about one thing: Americans are sick. They’re sick of obstructionists blocking shit for the sake of blocking it. They’re sick of the two parties not being able to compromise about anything. And — we can only speak for ourselves in this case — they’re sick of fucking assholes like Jim DeMint using religion as an opportunity to be a cock. Does this fucking asshole know how many Christians work on Christmas? What a fuckface.

Pardon. That was a little much, even for us (though we did publish an anti-Elizabeth Edwards obit last week, so maybe this a step backward in the bile department).

DeMint conveniently glosses over the fact that a lame duck Congress does this shit all the time. That is, pushes a massive amount of legislation forward in an effort to get laws passed, and — just as importantly — fund the government before the session ends.

The kicker is that this bozo’s solution is to slow the process down so that everyone has to work longer. Yeah, that’ll show ‘em!

“DeMint has demanded a full reading of the treaty, a process that, ironically, will push the chance for a vote closer to Christmas.”

Asked if he were concerned that could further extend the lame-duck session until after Christmas, DeMint said: “So we all want to go home and be with our families. If they want to do it, let’s stay here until New Year’s eve.”

Fuck you, DeMint. Fuck you and your anti-Christian Christianity. We’re sure Jesus wold have done the same thing, force everyone to stay in one place and not go home to worship in His name!

On a side note, you’d think the teabaggers would have been more vocal when George W. Bush was spending huge sums on two wars, giving tax cuts to the rich, expanding a prescription drug program without paying for it and growing the federal government’s role in public education with middling results. But then again, he’s not black.

“It’s a flat-out lie,” [Norman] Dennison said [of climate change] in an interview after the debate, adding that he had based his view on the preaching of Rush Limbaugh and the teaching of Scripture. “I read my Bible,” Mr. Dennison said. “He made this earth for us to utilize.”

That’s what we’re dealing with. A guy who thinks a book written by people thousands of years ago holds more sway than science. And there are millions of morons like him out there. And they all vote.

Interpol today warned its 188 member countries that there may be a higher threat of terrorism if a Florida fringe pastor burns Korans on Saturday as planned.

“One of INTERPOL’s primary functions is to prevent crime, and given that we have been made aware of a significant threat to public safety – an assessment which we share – it is our duty to ensure that we pass this information on to law enforcement agencies around the globe so that they can take appropriate measures,” Interpol Secretary General Ronald K. Noble said in a press release.

“Although there are currently no specific details as to what forms of terror attacks would follow, what is clear is if the Koran burning goes ahead as planned, there will be tragic consequences, ones which may well claim the lives of many innocent people,” he said.

Still, Jones says he’s pretty sure he’s gonna go ahead with the burning…unless the president calls him, because, you know, being told on TV by the president, alerted by the State Department and warned by a four-star general that what you’re doing is wrong, well that’s not enough.

Tell it to Terry Jones’s face or it doesn’t count, pussies!

We got so much of him at his fat person-only BBQ last weekend that we can hardly quench our thirst. Luckily, some wingnut has come up with a wonderful parody site that randomly generates horrific things Glenn Beck warned us about by using some of his favorite buzzwords. Hopefully this chalkboard app can get you through the day until your Mormon Jesus appears on the teevee to tell you what to be scared about.

[glennbeckwarned.us via Wonkette]

Anyway, watch these people — mostly fat people — restore freedom all over Washington, D.C. The guy playing the piccolo at the beginning gets points for being awesome (no irony).

Two things of note: first, she uses perhaps the greatest argument we’ve ever heard. “Oh, Glenn Beck doesn’t want to be president, you say. Guess who else didn’t? George Freakin’ Washington! CASE CLOSED. Except not really, because guess who else didn’t want to be president. JESUS! BOOM! But he WAS!

Other thing to note: this particular YouTube video actually has a funny comment. It’s oh so rare on YouTube, but kudos to someone named RapscallionRebellion.

[via Gawker]

Problem: You’ve just shot your grandson who was staying at your house and getting up to take a whiz in the middle of the night.

Total hokum, right? Wrong. Check out this totes similar real-life story from The World:

A Gold Beach man accidentally shot his grandson early Sunday morning.

Arthur Harkey, 72, told authorities he was awakened by a noise and grabbed his gun from his nightstand. Harkey said he was startled by a figure in the hallway of his Gold Beach home, and the gun discharged at close range. Harkey realized he had shot his grandson and called 911.

Patrol Lieutenant John Ward arrived at the scene and found 22-year-old Raymond Murray on the floor with a gunshot wound to his lower abdomen.

But there’s no connection between owning a gun and shooting someone with it and NOT owning a gun and NOT shooting someone with it. And you’d be a fool and a communist to think otherwise.