The bottom line is, in the war against getting anything done in Congress Jim DeMint is a leader. A Supreme honcho. The teabagger favorite and all-around piece of human garbage has decided that Congress is engaged in the (fake) war on Christmas. He says the push to get the massive spending bill through the Senate in the days before Dec. 25 is — and we’re not kidding — sacrilegious. Just read for yourself!

You can’t jam a major arms control treaty right before Christmas,” he told POLITICO. “What’s going on here is just wrong. This is the most sacred holiday for Christians. They did the same thing last year – they kept everybody here until (Christmas Eve) to force something down everybody’s throat. I think Americans are sick of this.”

He’s right about one thing: Americans are sick. They’re sick of obstructionists blocking shit for the sake of blocking it. They’re sick of the two parties not being able to compromise about anything. And — we can only speak for ourselves in this case — they’re sick of fucking assholes like Jim DeMint using religion as an opportunity to be a cock. Does this fucking asshole know how many Christians work on Christmas? What a fuckface.

Pardon. That was a little much, even for us (though we did publish an anti-Elizabeth Edwards obit last week, so maybe this a step backward in the bile department).

DeMint conveniently glosses over the fact that a lame duck Congress does this shit all the time. That is, pushes a massive amount of legislation forward in an effort to get laws passed, and — just as importantly — fund the government before the session ends.

The kicker is that this bozo’s solution is to slow the process down so that everyone has to work longer. Yeah, that’ll show ‘em!

“DeMint has demanded a full reading of the treaty, a process that, ironically, will push the chance for a vote closer to Christmas.”

Asked if he were concerned that could further extend the lame-duck session until after Christmas, DeMint said: “So we all want to go home and be with our families. If they want to do it, let’s stay here until New Year’s eve.”

Fuck you, DeMint. Fuck you and your anti-Christian Christianity. We’re sure Jesus wold have done the same thing, force everyone to stay in one place and not go home to worship in His name!

On a side note, you’d think the teabaggers would have been more vocal when George W. Bush was spending huge sums on two wars, giving tax cuts to the rich, expanding a prescription drug program without paying for it and growing the federal government’s role in public education with middling results. But then again, he’s not black.

To wit: Asshole Rep. Mike Pence (R-Ind.) is still touting his — and other GOP members’ — bogus claim that the health care reform law is a “government takeover of health care.” It isn’t. But we’ll get to that in a moment. First, here’s Pence’s tired rhetoric, as re-spewed out CBS News’ “Early Show” to coincide with changes that went into effect Thursday because of health care reform, and reported by Business Week:

The House Republicans’ agenda “will focus on getting this economy moving again, getting spending under control, and, yes, it includes rolling back both the failed economic policies and broadly rejected government takeover of health care enacted last March,” Rep. Mike Pence of Indiana, who chairs the House Republican Conference, said Thursday on the CBS Early Show.

That same Business Week story has results of a new Kaiser Family Foundation survey that shows Americans supporting health care reform 49 to 40 percent. And the Kaiser Family Foundation, whatever you think of them, is in the business of health care. So there’s that.

Here’s the other thing for the Pences of this country who think the health care law is a “government takeover of health care.” A government takeover would be Medicare for everyone. By instituting a purchase mandate but not offering, say, a single-payer system, the Obama administration is actually pretty pro-business. The only way  to make the overhaul less an anti-government takeover than it already is would be to eliminate Medicare for the olds and say, “Sorry, Grampa. Go buy from Cigna.”

I have never been in a tanning bed or used a tanning product.”

– House Minority Leader John Boehner (R), in an interview with the Wall Street Journal, “addressing a perennial source of jokes” about his dark complexion.

John Boehner does realize we live in the age of television, right, and that we can see him? I mean, really, if we can’t trust him to tell the truth on this, what can we trust him on?

Christ, the guy is ORANGE! That picture above is not doctored (fun fact: he was an Oompa Loompa)! He is actually that color!

John Boehner – before the bill has passed – is already calling for its repeal.

Why?

Because he’s a total motherfucker.

I think it ought to be repealed,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner, in response to a question from TPMDC, at his weekly press conference Thursday.

Well good luck, fuckstick, but you have some serious problems. 1) This bill is broadly popular with Americans. 2) Some members of your own party like it. 3) Obama will sign the bill and make it law. 4) Even if you win majorities in the House and Senate this fall, Obama will veto any repeal you offer up. 5) You’ll never get 67 votes to override the veto.

So fuck off. Go support the economy by using a tanning bed and paying the 10 percent tax on it, dick.

Instead of attacking the president for all the things he could be legitimately accused of — failing to act in a timely manner; letting BP go unchecked in their relief efforts; letting BP screw around on claims; failing to meet with BP leadership — she’s attacking him for the one decent idea they have, an escrow fund of $20 billion BP dollars that will be administered to victims with legit claims.

Ugh, here:

The Minnesota Independent reports that Bachmann spoke Tuesday to the Heritage Foundation, and badmouthed the idea. “The president just called for creating a fund that would be administered by outsiders, which would be more of a redistribution-of-wealth fund,” said Bachmann. “And now it appears like we’ll be looking at one more gateway for more government control, more money to government.”

We’d believe Bachmann if she were a) correct, and b) sane. But this is what she always rails about. Government power. The same government that gives her a farm subsidy that she publicly rails against. She has no interests but her own.

[via TPM]

“Thank you mr bush for lying to the American people and for starting a war with Iraq for oil, that cost more american lives than the tragic 9/11 events. Your environmental legacy is washing up on the shores and wetlands of the Gulf Coast. I hope you made daddy proud”

“Dear Mr. Bush: One day when I grow up I hope to be able to become president and shit all over the Contitution like you did.”

“We all kinda thought this guy was a massive douche as a president”

“Thanks a lot for getting us involved in 2 wars we didn’t need, stealing an election, shredding the bill of rights with the PATRIOT Act, mismanaging Hurrican Katrina, having a backwards environmental policy, giving tax cuts to the rich, endorsing torture, taking us 12 trillion dollars in debt after a 200 billion dollar …surplus, politically firing U.S Attorneys, and nearly killing a CIA officer in a purposeful leak from the White House!”

“Hey, is Cheney down in the bunker playing 911 wargames again? FUCK YOU, YOU SHITBAG PLANET-RAPE APOLOGIST! I hope you get sodomized in hell by demon goats with barbed dicks.”

More to come!

[Ed.: So many people are thanking Bush on the FB page for "keeping us safe." Yes, thanks! Except on Sept. 11, 2001, when you let 19 hijackers with four planes attack us and kill 3,000 Americans while you sat on your ass in a Florida classroom. And except for spreading global terrorism and making the Muslim world hate us more. Thanks for keeping us safe except for the two wars that have killed thousands of American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of civilians. Thanks so much!]

Kentucky senatorial candidate Rand Paul said Tuesday he’s planning a campaign staff shake-up a week after a round of interviews in which he dismayed fellow Republicans by discussing his views on racial segregation.

Yikes. Paul should have done this months ago when the news broke that his spokesman, Chris Hightower, loves to hate blacks. Still, can’t blame a guy for trying to change his image. Worked for Nixon (not really).

Of course, the real danger for Paul will continue to be the lamestream media’s nasty practice of using his own words — in context — against him. Good luck, Dr. Paul! (We don’t really wish him good luck.)

Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, three weeks ago we wrote that teabaggers were missing an opportunity to prove they’re not racist assholes. Consider that opportunity missed. Permanently. From Talking Points Memo:

Tea Party activists are riding to Arizona’s rescue in the state’s time of need.

Conservative activists recently launched a “Buycott”, urging people to support and do business with several Arizona-based companies, including US Airways, Best Western, and U-Haul. And others are planning a rally to “Stand With Arizona.”

Any group that would prop up a shitty corporation such as US Airways may not be a racist, but it certainly is made up of dumb, undiscerning sons of bitches. On the count of three, name a worse airline.

Ha! You can’t do it. Moving on:

Gina Loudon, a St. Louis-based Tea Party leader, who helped get the Buycott off the ground and is tracking its impact, told TPMmuckraker that it likely has generated “hundreds of thousands of dollars,” in spending for the companies involved, but said she hadn’t yet had a chance to count the receipts she’s been sent. “The numbers are probably astounding, as soon as I have time to add them up,” she said.

Loudon recently helped organize similar Buycotts of Ford and Whole Foods, after both companies came under fire from progressive activists. “I can’t imagine right now in this American economy that anybody wants a boycott of anything,” she said. “I think it’s incredibly destructive.”

Sure. Teabaggers: Spend money you claim you don’t have in the effort to prop up companies that…

Oh, forget it. This Arizona story gets more and more retarded every day. But the best part is the following statement from the “Stand With Arizona.”

Arizona is under heavy fire from the left-wing bullies for trying to protect its own citizens from the ravages of illegal immigration. The entire state is being attacked as ‘racist,’ ‘nazi’ and ‘extremist.’ (Sound familiar?) The left-wing bullies believe they can target, isolate and neutralize Arizona, and thereby pressure the people of Arizona to stop enforcing the law.

Yes, it does sound familiar! That’s what teabaggers call Barack Obama each day and twice on Sunday!

But in all honesty, is anyone surprised that a group of people who think the tanning tax is racist can’t see the connection between the Arizona law and race-based discrimination?

If you’re not surprised, you’re thinking. If you answered, “THE TANNING TAX IS RACIST, F.U. COMMIE,” you’re a teabagger.