John Boehner – before the bill has passed – is already calling for its repeal.

Why?

Because he’s a total motherfucker.

I think it ought to be repealed,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner, in response to a question from TPMDC, at his weekly press conference Thursday.

Well good luck, fuckstick, but you have some serious problems. 1) This bill is broadly popular with Americans. 2) Some members of your own party like it. 3) Obama will sign the bill and make it law. 4) Even if you win majorities in the House and Senate this fall, Obama will veto any repeal you offer up. 5) You’ll never get 67 votes to override the veto.

So fuck off. Go support the economy by using a tanning bed and paying the 10 percent tax on it, dick.

Problem: You’ve just shot your grandson who was staying at your house and getting up to take a whiz in the middle of the night.

Total hokum, right? Wrong. Check out this totes similar real-life story from The World:

A Gold Beach man accidentally shot his grandson early Sunday morning.

Arthur Harkey, 72, told authorities he was awakened by a noise and grabbed his gun from his nightstand. Harkey said he was startled by a figure in the hallway of his Gold Beach home, and the gun discharged at close range. Harkey realized he had shot his grandson and called 911.

Patrol Lieutenant John Ward arrived at the scene and found 22-year-old Raymond Murray on the floor with a gunshot wound to his lower abdomen.

But there’s no connection between owning a gun and shooting someone with it and NOT owning a gun and NOT shooting someone with it. And you’d be a fool and a communist to think otherwise.

This shit is confusing, but here’s the low down: John McCain had the balls to call someone not himself a huckster.

I KNOW, RIGHT?!!

Granted, the one on the receiving end of the huckster taunt is JD Hayworth, who in addition to being a hate-filled, race-baiting motherfucker is also probably a huckster. He did a bunch (or maybe one, who the fuck cares?) of ads a couple years back promising “free information about ‘hundreds of billions of dollars in government funding’ to individuals who attend a conference on the topic,” which, by the way, sounds totally hucksterish.

BUT – and this is a big but – getting free money from the government is right up the political alley of a guy who claims to hate the government but wants to hold government office (meaning Hayworth).

As for McCain, his huckster status is unconfirmed. After all, he did give us Sarah Palin. And he claimed he never considered himself a maverick. And he stopped being sort of moderate and went way, way, way to the right. At least he’s not JD Hayworth.

I mean, look at Hayworth’s eerie, Satanic stare, his receding hairline and giant, flaring nostrils. How can you not trust him?

[via Political Ticker]

That $20 billion in an escrow account? It’s a shakedown. A SHAKEDOWN, motherfucker. And you’d be a fool and communist to think otherwise.

Look, we’re not saying that Joe Barton is crazy (he’s fucking crazy), but when John Boehner, who looks like he tans with oil, disagrees with you openly, you’re really on the shit side of correct.

Here’s Joe Barton’s fucknuts statement. Even for a guy from an oil baron state, this is bananas. Oh and there’s video, too! This is really one of those only-in-America things.

I’m speaking now totally for myself, I’m not speaking for the Republican Party, I’m not speaking for anybody in the House of Representatives, but myself. But I’m ashamed of what happened in the White House yesterday.

I think it is a tragedy of the first proportion that a private corporation can be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown, in this case a $20 billion shakedown, with the Attorney General of the United States, who is legitimately conducting a criminal investigation and has every right to do so to protect the interests of the American people, participating in what amounts to a $20 billion slush fund that’s unprecedented in our nation’s history, that’s got not legal standing, and which sets I think a terrible precedent for the future.

If I called you into my office and I had the subcommittee chairman, Mr. Stupak, with me, who was legitimately conducting an oversight investigation on your company, and said if you put so many millions of dollars in a project in my my Congressional district, I could go to jail. And should go to jail.

Now there is no question that British Petroluem owns this lease, there is no question that British Petro– BP, I’m sorry, it’s not ‘British Petroleum’ anymore — that BP made decisions that objective people think compromised safety. There is no question that BP is liable for the damages. But we have a due process system where we go through hearings, and in some cases court cases, litigation, and determine what those damages are and when those damages should be paid.

So I’m only speaking for myself, I’m not speaking for anybody else. But I apologize. I do not want to live in a country where any time a citizen or a corporation does something that is legitimately wrong, is subject to to some sort of political pressure that is, again, in my words, amounts to a shakedown. So I apologize.

[via TPM]

[via TPM]

No, seriously.

Alvin Greene is an unemployed veteran who has never held political office. After filing for the Democratic primary in the Senate race from South Carolina, his campaign seemed to stop. There is no Alvin Greene web site, no Alvin Greene bumper stickers, no Alvin Greene yard signs. There’s not even an Alvin Greene FEC filing.

Nonetheless, Greene won last night’s Democratic primary, beating Vic Rawl, a judge who served in the South Carolina legislature for four terms. A judge who had gathered $186,000 for the campaign.

Hear that, Blanche Lincoln? You could have tried the “fuck it” approach in Arkansas, because God knows those people are big fans of doing jack shit.

Anyway, the punchline is that Greene not only won the vote Tuesday, but he won it handily. He took 59 percent of votes cast. Holy fucking shit, that’s a lot of votes! Until you read the punchline’s punchline, of course:

[State Democrat Chairwoman Carol] Fowler speculated to the AP that Democratic voters unfamiliar with both [Greene's opponent] Rawl and Greene chose Greene because he appeared first on the ballot.

Ah. Ah yes. It all makes perfect sense now.

[via TPM]

[via Huffington Post]

Anyspray, in the spirit of (maybe) having your breasts augmented and (definitely) betting on a horse named for your dipshit husband (the horse came in third!), we offer this poll, a SCFOM first! Enjoy!

Filed under: Sarah Palin did something else stupid Tagged: fail, fake tits, First Dude, funny, ghey, Jesus, media, politics, retarded, Sarah Palin, stupid, teabaggers, teabagging, Todd Palin, wrong ]]> http://somecountryforoldmen.com/2010/06/08/a-sarah-palin-poser-for-the-masses/feed/ 1 Dave palin-boobs-wonkette http://somecountryforoldmen.com/2010/06/07/helen-thomas-anger-totes-misdirected/ http://somecountryforoldmen.com/2010/06/07/helen-thomas-anger-totes-misdirected/#comments Mon, 07 Jun 2010 18:17:16 +0000 Dave http://somecountryforoldmen.com/?p=5776 ]]> Hey, WTF is going on here? We’re not saying that Israelis should go back to Germany or Poland or wherever the hell they came from (Thomas suggested that) because that’s nuts. But we are suggesting that maybe, just maybe, Israel should get the hell out of Palestine.

Seriously, what’s with the love for Israel? Aside from, you know, them being a totally great ally in a region where they’ve boosted Fat American street cred (sarcasm), what have they done for us?

We’re not suggesting that there’s a black and white angle for Israel and Palestine. Not at all. That region of the planet is far too old and fucked up and filled with people who are born hating each other to go making knee-jerk decisions about everything that goes on there.

Which is why — hey, hear us out! — it’s totally retarded to get angry at Helen Thomas about being Helen Thomas. She’s old and senile, and like your grandmother, doesn’t give a shit that she’s not allowed to say the first thing that pops into her head. For Christ’s sake, after she told that rabbi that Jews should get the hell out of Palestine, she asked him for a good gefilte fish casserole recipe. She’s fucking bonkers.

And since we should be exploring every idea about how to resolve the Israel-Palestine debacle, Israeli Jews getting the hell out is a legit option. But getting angry at Helen Thomas? Christ, tomorrow she’ll get her head caught in her golf bag and everyone will forget about what she said about Israel.

Oh, and reporters who are angry at her: Can’t say anything bad about Israel? Fine. But you cuntbags sat there and let George Bush start a war with false evidence and THIS makes you mad!? Mad enough to ask that she quit? That’s an inappropriate reaction to Helen Thomas being Helen Thomas.

Jesus, when are politicians going to learn this one? You want to use some band’s music, you have to ask the band. For every Clinton campaign that obtains the rights to “Don’t Stop,” there’s a Charlie Crist, currently being sued by David Byrne of Talking Heads for using “Road to Nowhere.”

And a John McCain, who was sued by Jackson Browne for using “Running on Empty.” (McCain settled.)

And a Ronald Reagan, who pissed off Bruce Springsteen (though Bruce didn’t take legal action) for using “Born in the U.S.A.,” which is a really strange choice because “Born in the U.S.A.” is about a dejected-feeling Vietnam veteran.

[Rush attorney Robert] Farmer, general counsel for the Anthem Entertainment Group Inc. in Toronto, which is Rush’s record label, has sent a letter to Paul campaign officials informing them that they have violated copyright laws — and urging them to stop.”This is not a political issue — this is a copyright issue,” Farmer said in an interview. “We would do this no matter who it is.”

Jesse Benton, Paul’s campaign manager, said in an e-mail: “The background music Dr. Paul has played at events is a non-issue. The issues that matter in this campaign are cutting out-of-control deficits, repealing Obama Care and opposing cap and trade.”

He did not say if the campaign would stop using the band’s music.

Yeah, take the defiant tack. Good call.

[via Louisville Courier-Journal]